Wide Jokes / Recent Jokes

You know you're a redneck if your house still has the "WIDE LOAD" sign on the back.

A Cowboy said to a Rancher,' Is that your dog?'

The Rancher replied,' Yup.'

'Mind if I talk to him?'

'Durn fool, don't you know dogs don't talk?'

The Cowboy replied,' So what's the harm? May I?'

'Go right ahead.' The Cowboy said to the dog,' Howdy!'

The dog replied,' Hello.' The Rancher's eyes pop wide.

The Cowboy continued,' Is this your master?'

'Yep, he sure is.'

'Does he treat you alright?'

'Sure does. Every day he takes me for a walk, he feeds me all kinds of great food, and once a week he takes me to the lake to play.' Rancher was dumbfounded.

The Cowboy said to the Rancher,' Is that your horse over there?'

'Yes.'

'Do you mind if I talk to him?'

The Rancher replied,' I know the dog spoke to you, but I know for a fact that horses can't talk.'

'Well, then what would it hurt?'

'Go right ahead.'

The more...

A man walks into a bar, with a huge alligator on a leash. He
walks over to the bar, and orders a beer.
The bartender says, "Sorry sir. You can't bring that alligator in
here! It's a dangerous animal, and you're scaring all of the patrons!
True enough, the man looked around, and noticed that everyone was
standing on the tables, looking very nervous.
"But wait!" he cried, "this alligator is tame! It wouldn't hurt
anyone!" However, the bartender is adamant. "If," the man
continues, "I can prove that this alligator is not vicious, can he
stay?"
"Well, I guess so," says the bartender, "however, you're going to
have a devil of a time proving to everyone in here that tha
alligator is tame!"
The man smiles, and leans over the alligator. "Ralph!" he shouts,
"Sit up!" With that, he beats the alligator on the head with his
fist "BANG BANG more...

Some more terms for the TECHNO OFFICE DICTIONARY

Perot To quit unexpectedly, as in' My cellular phone just perot'ed.'

CLM (Career-Limiting Move) Used among microserfs to describe an ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.

Treeware Hacker slang for documentation or other printed material.

Dead Tree Edition The paper version of a publication available in both paper and electronic forms, as in:' The dead tree edition of the San Francisco Chronicle...'

Dilberted To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character.' I've been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week.'

World Wide Wait The real meaning of WWW.

CGI Joe A hard-core CGI script programmer with all the social skills and charisma of a plastic action figure.

Dorito Syndrome Feelings of more...

A husband and wife who have been married 20 years were doing some yard work. The man was working hard cleaning the BBQ grill while his wife was bending over, weeding flowers from the flower bed.
The man says to his wife, "Your rear end is almost as wide as this grill." She ignored the remark.
A little later, the husband takes his measuring tape and measures the grill, then he goes over to his wife while she is bending over, measures her rear end and gasps, "Geez, your butt really IS as wide as the grill!" She ignores this remark as well.
Later that night while in bed, her husband starts to feel frisky. The wife calmly responds, "If you think I'm gonna fire up the grill for one little wiener, you are sadly mistaken."

A husband and his wife who have been married 20 years were doing some yard work. The man was working hard cleaning the BBQ grill while his wife was bending over, weeding flowers from the flower bed. So the man says to his wife "Your rear end is almost as wide as this grill" She ignores the remark.
A little later, the husband takes his measuring tape and measures the grill, then he goes over to his wife while she is bending over, measures her rear end and gasps, "Geez, it really IS as wide as the grill!" She ignores this remark as well.
Later that night while in bed, her husband starts to feel frisky. The wife calmly responds, "If you think I'm gonna fire up the grill for one little wiener, you are sadly mistaken."

A golfer was having a round of golf with the local vicar. The golfer took his birdie put, but then a gust of wind blew the ball just wide of the hole. The golfer, being very bad tempered, then exclaimed "Damn - missed the bugger!".
The vicar said to the man "Please do not use foul language again."
They moved onto the next hole and exactly the same thing happened - a gust of wind blew the ball just wide. Once again the golfer shouted "Damn - missed the bugger!"
This annoyed the vicar, so he turned to the man and said "Please do not use bad language again, or the heavens shall open and God will strike you down with a bolt of lightning!"
But once again, on the next hole a gust of wind blew the ball just wide, and the golfer screamed "Damn - missed the bugger!"
As soon as he said this the heavens opened and a lightning bolt shot down and struck the vicar.
Then God's voice boomed "Damn - missed the bugger!"