Worker Jokes / Recent Jokes

A boy is taken from his home because of physical abuse. After being in the orphanage for a few weeks, he tells a social worker that he wants to leave. The social worker asks him, "Well, do you want to go back and live with your father again?" "No," replies the boy. "He beats me." The social worker says, "Do you want to live with your mother?" The boy says, "No, she beats me too." "Well, then," asks the social worker, "Who do you want to live with?" The boy answers, "The New Orleans Saints." The social worker is taken aback. "The Saints? Why do you want to live with the New Orleans Saints?" "Because," replies the boy, "They don't beat anybody."

The young office worker had put it off long enough: Hitching up his courage, he went to his boss and demanded a raise.
The boss sat back in her seat and said, "Jim, because of your parva leves capiunt animas nature, and the parturient montes, nascetur ridi-culus mus bottom line of your division, I say to you ad calendas graecas."
The young man was dumbfounded. "Excuse me," he said sheepishly, "but I don't get it."
The woman smiled. "That's right."

A man from the Welfare department was interviewing a lady who had requested assistance and he was reviewing her form. He noted that she stated that she had three sons, but only has one name listed, "Leroy". "Yes", she replied, "All three sons are named Leroy." "Why would you do that?", inquired the government worker." It makes it much easier to get things done.", was her reply. "Leroy, time for bath." And they all would get in the bath. "Leroy, time for supper." And they all would come to the table. Amazed, the government worker then inquired how did she get personal if she wanted to talk with just one of her sons." Oh that's easy", she replied. "I just call them by their last name."

A New York deli worker hit the $1 million lottery... again. After she won the first million she kept her deli job and said she intends to keep working.
Her name was released as Valerie Wilson, but to New Yorkers she's known by the more affectionate name of, "Lucky Fucking Bitch."
On a side note, deli worker applications have tripled.

Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language. He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his chop and starts masturbating. The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, "What the fuck is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!". The other guy says, "I knew that! I was just trying to tell you - I'm coming!"

Two workers and their boss were walking along a road. Suddenly, one of them saw a lamp. He picked it up, rubbed it, and a genie popped out.
"Normally, I would give one person three wishes," the genie said, "but since there are three of you, I will give each of you one wish."
The first worker said, "I wish I was the ruler of a different country."
***POOF*** His wish was granted.
The second worker said, "I wish I had a free holiday in Hawaii with my family."
***POOF*** His wish was granted.
The boss said, "I'm lonely... I wish those two were back before lunch."
The moral of the story is... Always let your boss have the first say.

A social worker asks a collegue: "What time is it?"

The other one answers: "Sorry, don't know, I have no watch."

The first one: "Never mind! The main thing is that we talked about it."