Workplace Jokes / Recent Jokes

Penis Requests a Raise
I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following
reasons:
I do physical hard labor
I work at great depths
I plunge head first into everything I do
I do not get off days or public holidays
I am on 24hrs standby / 365days
I work in a damp environment with occasional foul smell
I don't get paid overtime
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
I need to work in various environment conditions and
temperatures
My work exposes me to contagious diseases which carries a very
high risk of death
~~~
Reply
Dear Penis,
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you
have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following
reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight
You fall asleep on the job after brief work period
You do not always follow the orders of the management team
You do not stay faithful in your allocated more...

HOW TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY IN THE WORKPLACE

Page yourself over the intercom. Don`t disguise your voice.
Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is of a different gender than you.
Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. "That`s a good point, Sparky." "No, I`m sorry, but I`m going to have to disagree with you there, Cha-cha."
Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you`re doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I`ll be in the bathroom."
Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven`t lost them as much since you did this.
While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive liquid. Call everyone Madge.
Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee or a printout or whatever, slap yourself randomly the more...

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

* I do physical labour
* I work at great depths
* I am always using my head first
* I do not get RDO's, weekends off or public holidays
* I work in a damp environment
* I don't get paid overtime or shift penalties
* I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
* I work in high temperatures
* My work exposes me to contagious diseases


Response from Human Resources

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

* You do not work 8 hours straight
* You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods
* You do not always follow the orders of the management team
* You do not stay in your assigned position, and often visit other areas
* You take a lot of non-rostered breaks
* You do not take initiative - more...

The male sexual organ requests a promotion and a raise for the following reasons: - has to work hard; - has to work at great depths; - has to work upside down; - has no ventilation or air conditioned environment at work; - has to work in a high humidity environment; - has to work at high temperatures; - does not get weekends and holidays off; - does not get time off after extra hours of work; - has a hazardous work environment that often causes professional sickness. Request DENIED for the following reasons: - does not work 8 hours in a row; - does not answer immediately to all requests; - does not have a degree; - after a short activity period, falls asleep at work; - shows no fidelity to the workplace; - retires too early; - does not work at all unless pushed from behind; - does not leave the workplace clean after finishing work.

HOW TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY IN THE WORKPLACE

Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is of a different gender than you.

Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point, Sparky." "No, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Cha-cha."

Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."

Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven't lost them as much since you did this.

While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive liquid. Call everyone Madge.

Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee or a printout or more...

HOW TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY IN THE WORKPLACE Page yourself over the intercom. Don`t disguise your voice. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is of a different gender than you. Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. "That`s a good point, Sparky." "No, I`m sorry, but I`m going to have to disagree with you there, Cha-cha." Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you`re doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I`ll be in the bathroom." Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven`t lost them as much since you did this. While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive liquid. Call everyone Madge. Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee or a printout or whatever, slap yourself randomly the whole way. Put a chair facing a printer. more...

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor
I work at great depths
I plunge head first into everything I do
I do not get weekends off or public holidays
I work in a damp environment
I don't get paid overtime
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
I work in high temperatures
My work exposes me to contagious diseases
Dear Penis,
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight
You fall asleep on the job after brief work period
You do not always follow the orders of the management team
You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift
You don't always more...