Worth Jokes / Recent Jokes

If a thing is worth doing, it would have been done already.

I offered to pay my lawyer for what he’s worth but he won't work for nothing!

Top ten reasons why owning a plumbing contracting business is similar to running a bordello...
Most "service work" by employees is done either while kneeling, or while flat on their backs.
While on the job, most employees have their butt cracks, bare midriff, and other parts of their anatomy exposed.
When a customer hires you, they know up front they're going to pay through the nose.
Unless they've been through the process before, your customer tends to be very nervous initially, then accepting and even enjoying what's taking place during, and in the end, usually feel relaxed, and feel like that they've gotten their money's worth.
If they don't feel they've gotten their money's worth, the response is universally the same: "I've been screwed!"
The government, from local law enforcement to EPA to Public Health and everyone in between, is determined to drive you out of business with nit-picking regulations and stupid laws which criminalize more...

An "eagle" is worth $10 on the street. A "double eagle" is worth $20. Elin Nordegren's shots are worth about $30,000,000 each.

[This is an original creation except as noted below]
[For the occassional hermit out there without a mail drop, America Online
has been distributing "10 Hours Free" disks like crazy. They come with
magazines, they come by themselves, they are attached to trade journals
etc. I have about ten of them now. I have never expressed an interest
in AOL but these disks keep mounting up.]
Things to do about all of your AOL disks.
Collect two solar masses worth and detonate the sun. [copied from
a signature seen on the net.]
Activate each account with a different cartoon character name like
Bullwinkle, Barney Rubble, Tasmanian Devil, etc. See if you run out
of names before you run out of disks.
Activate the disks one at a time. For each disk you activate, download
enough files to fill up the reformatted activation disk. Don't stop
until you have downloaded all data AOL has to offer. Use remaining
unactivated disks for backup more...

Some days it's not worth chewing through the restraints.

What are seniors worth anyway? They are worth a fortune, with all the silver in their hair, gold in their teeth, stones in their kidneys and lead in their feet.
Well I have become a little older since I saw you last and a few changes have come into my life since then. Frankly, I have become quitea frivolous old gal. I am seeing five gentlemen every day. As soon as I wake up, Will Power helps me get out of bed. I immediately go to see John.
After that Charlie Horse comes along, and he really takes a lot of my time and attention. When he leaves, Arthur Ritis shows up and stays for the rest of the day. However, he doesn't like to stay in one place very long, so he just takes me from joint to joint. Finally after such a busy tiring day, I'm really glad to be able to go to bed with Ben Gay. What a life!!
P.S. The preacher came by the other day. He said at my age, I should be thinking about the hereafter. I told him, 'Oh I do all the time. No matter where I am, in the parlor, more...