Yankee Jokes / Recent Jokes
A Yankee fan, a Met fan, and Pamela Anderson are sitting together on the subway when the lights go out and the car goes completely dark. There's a kissing noise, and then the sound of a really loud slap.
When the subway car's lights come back on, Pamela Anderson and the Met fan are sitting as if nothing happened, and the Yankee fan is holding his slapped face.
The Yankee fan is thinking, "That Met fan must have kissed Pamela and she swung at him and missed, slapping me instead."
Pamela is thinking, "That Yankee fan must have tried to kiss me, accidentally kissed the Met fan, and got slapped for it."
And the Met fan is thinking, "This is great. The next time the subway car's lights go out, I'll make another kissing noise and slap that @!#%!! Yankee fan again."
A Yankees fan was enjoying himself at the game in a packed Yankee Stadium, until he noticed an empty seat down in front. He went down and asked the guy next to it if he knew whose seat it was.
The guy said, "Yes, that's my wife's seat. We have never missed a game since Joe DiMaggio played, but now my wife is dead."
The fan offered his sympathy and said it was really too bad that he couldn't find some relative to enjoy the game with.
"Oh no. I can." the guy replied. "It's just that they're all at the funeral."
What's the difference between a Yankee zoo and a Redneck zoo?
On the cage in a Yankee zoo, it will have the name of the animal and the scientific name in Latin.
A Southern zoo will have the name of the animal and a recipe.
Mike Mooney A Yankee was driving through the south when he decided he wanted to buy a pig. He stopped at a pig farm and told the farmer he wanted to buy a 100 pound pig.
The farmer nodded, walked out into the sty, bent over and picked up a pig by its tail with his teeth. The farmer said, "This one will go a little over a 100".
Astonished the Yankee said, "Who are you trying to fool? You can't weigh a pig that way".
The farmer laughed and called to his young son, "Boy, come over here and weigh that pig for this man".
The boy obliged by bending over and picking up the pig by its tail with his teeth. Turning to his father the boy said, " This here pig weighs about 100 pounds".
The Yankee was having no part of this so in order to convince him the farmer told his son to go to the house and get his mother so she could weigh the pig. After a short delay the son returned and said, "Ma says she will be right down after she's more...
1. Take your own sweet time when doing ANYTHING.
2. Pronounce all one-syllable words with two.
3. When giving directions, finish with "and it's right down yonder on the left." Confuses the mess out of' em.
4. Talk REAL slow, and ask them to speak more slowly so you can understand what they're saying.
5. When they talk nostalgically about the North, tell' em "Delta's ready when you are!"
6. Talk loudly and often about SEC football or ACC basketball.
7. Refer to every soft drink as a Coke. (This really does annoy' em!)
8. Always order sweet tea and/or grits. When they don't have it, raise a ruckus.
9. Offer to send' em a bottle of fresh air.
10. Insist on being addressed by your first AND middle names. (e.g. Lisa Marie-John Michael-Jim Bob.. . you get the idea)
11. Frequently bring up "The War of Northern Aggression" in conversation. If anyone ever more...
What is the difference between Yankee fans and dentists?One roots for the yanks, and the other yanks for the roots.
Two yankees are driving across the Texas desert, it's flat and you can see forever, they approach a stop sign and since the driver can see for miles in all directions and it's all clear he slows a bit then drives right on through.
Soon he see's the flashing lights in his rearview and pulls over, the cop ask's for license and registration, the driver asks why he was stopped and the cop tells him " You ran a stop sign".
The driver says "but I could see for miles, it was all clear so I just slowed down, whats the difference between stopping and slowing down?
The cop says "I'll let you answer that and proceeds to pull the driver out and beat him rapidly in the head with his night stick , then he ask's "now , do you want me to slow down? or stop?"