Yeltsin Jokes / Recent Jokes

Yeltsin, Clinton and Bill Gates were invited to have dinner with God. During dinner he told them: I need three important people to send my message out to all the people: "Tomorrow I will destroy the earth." Yeltsin immediately called together his cabinet and told them: "I have two really bad news items for you: 1) God really exists and 2) Tomorrow He will destroy the earth." Clinton called an emergency meeting of the Senate and Congress and told them: "I have good news and bad news: 1) The GOOD news is that God really does exist 2) The BAD news is, tomorrow He is going to destroy the earth." Bill Gates went back to Microsoft and very happily announced: "I have two fantastic announcements: 1) I am one of the three most important people on earth 2) The Year 2000 problem is solved."

Boris Yeltsin, Bill Clinton & Ernesto Zedillo (Mexican President) are in France in a restaurant.
The waiter asks "le apperitif?" All of them answer "oui!"
The waiter looks at Zedillo "Le tequila?" Zedillo: "oui!"
The waiter looks at Yeltsin "Le vodka?" Yeltsin: "oui!"
Finally, the waiter looks at Clinton " Le whisky?" Clinton: "DON'T MENTION THAT BITCH !!!"

Yeltsin, Clinton and Bill Gates were invited to have dinner with God. During dinner he told them: I need three important people to send my message out to all the people: "Tomorrow I will destroy the earth."Yeltsin immediately called together his cabinet and told them: "I have two really bad news items for you: 1) God really exists and2) Tomorrow He will destroy the earth."Clinton called an emergency meeting of the Senate and Congress and told them: "I have good news and bad news: 1) The GOOD news is that God really does exist2) The BAD news is, tomorrow He is going to destroy the earth." Bill Gates went back to Microsoft and very happily announced: "I have two fantastic announcements: 1) I am one of the three most important people on earth2) The Year 2000 problem is solved."

Boris Yeltsin, Bill Clinton & Ernesto Zedillo are having drinks in Paris.
The waiter asks " L'aperitif?"
All of them answer "Oui!"
The waiter looks at Zedillo "Le tequila?"
Zedillo: "Oui!"
The waiter looks at Yeltsin "Le vodka?"
Yeltsin: "Oui!"
Finally, the waiter looks at Clinton " Le whisky?"
Clinton: "DON'T YOU MENTION THAT BITCH!!!"

Boris Yeltsin, Bill Clinton, and Bill Gates were invited on the eve of the millennium to have dinner with God. After a little bit of small talk, God informed them that he would be destroying the earth the next day. Upon returning to earth, they each made announcemnts."I have two piece of bad news," said Boris Yeltsin. "One, God does exist. Two, all of the earth will be destroyed tomorrow.""I have some good news and some bad news," said Bill Clinton. "First, the good - God does exist. And the bad - the earth will be destroyed tomorrow.""I have some great news!" said Bill Gates. "One, I'm one of the three most important people on earth. Two, we've got this Y2K thing solved!"

Boris Yeltsin, Bill Clinton, and Bill Gates were invited to have dinner with God. During dinner, God told them, "I invited you to dinner because I needed three important people to send my message out to all people - Tomorrow I will destroy the Earth!"
Yeltsin immediately called together his cabinet and told them, "I have two really bad announcements to make. First, God really does exist, and second, tomorrow He will destroy the Earth."
Clinton called an emergency session of Congress and told them, " I have good news and bad news. The good news is that God does exist, and the bad news is that he will destroy the Earth tomorrow."
Bill Gates went back to Microsoft headquarters and told his people, "I have two fantastic announcements! First, I am one of the three most important people on Earth, and second, the Year 2000 problem has been solved!"

The May Day parade in Moscow is the largest, most important military parade of the year. For 1992's parade, Yeltsin and Gorbachev invited Bill Clinton to come watch it with them. The parade commenced with a battalion of tanks, followed by a division of infantry, followed by armored personnel carriers and mobile artillery. They had mobile ballistic missile launchers, electronic jamming vehicles, and throughout the entire time the formations were overflown by squadrons of the most advanced interceptors, fighters, and long-range tactical and strategic bombers.
Clinton, who had never been this close to war in his life, was suitably impressed. Then he noticed that, way back at the end of the parade, there was a disorganized, messy bunch of men in rumpled suits tagging along behind the last artillery pieces. "Who are they?" he asked.
"Ah," said Yeltsin, "those are our economists!"
"But I thought this parade was military..." said Clinton, more...