Yeltsin Jokes / Recent Jokes

President Yeltsin, President Clinton and Bill Gates are invited to havedinner with God. During dinner He tells them: "I needed three importantpeople to send my message out to all the people: Tomorrow I will destroythe Earth."Yeltsin immediately calls together his cabinet and announces: "I have tworeally bad news items. God really exists, and tomorrow he will destroy theearth."Clinton calls an emergency meeting of congress and announces: "I have goodnews and bad news. The good news is God really does exist; the bad news istomorrow he's destroying the Earth."Gates goes back to Microsoft and tells his employees: "I have two pieces ofgreat news. First, I am one of the three most important people on earth, and second, I think I've got the Y2K problem fixed."

The May Day parade in Moscow is the largest, most important military parade of the year. For 1992`s parade, Yeltsin and Gorbachev invited Bill Clinton to come watch it with them. The parade commenced with a battalion of tanks, followed by a division of infantry, followed by armored personnel carriers and mobile artillery. They had mobile ballistic missile launchers, electronic jamming vehicles, and throughout the entire time the formations were overflown by squadrons of the most advanced interceptors, fighters, and long-range tactical and strategic bombers.

Clinton, who had never been this close to war in his life, was suitably impressed. Then he noticed that, way back at the end of the parade, there was a disorganized, messy bunch of men in rumpled suits tagging along behind the last artillery pieces. "Who are they?" he asked.

"Ah," said Yeltsin, "those are our economists!"

"But I thought this parade was more...

Recently, President Clinton and Boris Yeltsin had a conference on
the spread of AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases in
their countries. Yeltsin asked Clinton how he and his
administration are attempting to stop the spread of AIDS.
"We promote abstinence in the United States," Clinton told him.
"That would never work in the USSR," Yeltsin replied. "People are
going to have sex, and the government can`t do or say anything
to stop that. I want to promote the use of condoms in my
country. The problem is, we don`t have any good condom companies
in Russia."
"Well, in the US we have many condom companies, and one of the
best is Trojan," Clinton told him. "Let me give the president of
the company a call. I`ll ask him to send some condoms to you, so
you can distribute them in your country. How many do you want?"
"We`d probably need about 5 million or so to more...

Boris Yeltsin, Bill Clinton and Ernesto Zedillo are having drinks
in Paris.
The waiter asks "L'aperitif?"
All of them answer "Oui!"
The waiter looks at Zedillo "Le tequila?"
Zedillo: "Oui!"
The waiter looks at Yeltsin "Le vodka?"
Yeltsin: "Oui!"
Finally, the waiter looks at Clinton " Le whisky?"
Clinton: "DON'T MENTION THAT BITCH!!!"

Yeltsin, Clinton and Bill Gates were invited to have dinner with God.
During dinner He told them: "I need three important people to send my
message out to all people: Tomorrow I will destroy the earth."
Yeltsin immediately called together his cabinet and told them: "I have two
really bad news items for you: God really exists and Tomorrow He will
destroy the earth."
Clinton called an emergency meeting of the Senate and Congress and told
them, "I have good news and bad news: The GOOD news is that God really
does exist and The BAD news is, tomorrow He is going to destroy the
earth."
Bill Gates went back to Microsoft and very happily announced: "I have two
fantastic announcements: I am one of the three most important people on
earth and The Year 2000 problem is solved."

Mr Boris Yeltsin, the President of Russia, Mr Bill Clinton, the President of USA, and Mr Ernesto Zedillo, the President of Mexico were together in France in a restaurant.
The captain, honoured by such distinguished presence, approached them and asked politicly,' Le aperitif?'
All of them answered,' Oui.'
He then proceeded to ask their preferences individually. Starting with His Excellency Ernesto Zedillo, he queried,' Le tequila?'
'Oui,' answered His Excellency.
The captain looked at Mr Boris Yeltsin, and asked,' Le vodka?'
'Oui,' answered the President of Russia.
Finally, the captain approached the President of USA and asked, lLe whisky?'
'Don't mention that b....,' reacted Bill Clinton sharply.

Boris Yeltsin, Bill Clinton and Bill Gates were having a meeting in an airplane.
At one point, the airplane runs out of fuel and crashed. All three die.
When waking up, they find themselves standing, facing God. God looks at them and says: "You know, not everyone can enter Heaven. It depends what you believe in."
Turning to Yeltsin, God asks: "So, what do you believe in?". "I believe in equality for everyone and everyone should share what they own" Yeltsin answers. "Good", replies God, "Come and sit to my left."
Then turning to Bill Clinton, God asks: "So, what do you believe in?".
"I believe in free speech and democracy", Clinton says.
"Good", replies God, "Come and sit to my right."
Finally, turning to Bill Gates, God asks: "So, what do you believe in?".
Bill Gates looks at God and says: "I believe you are sitting in my chair."