Yorker Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Frenchman, an Englishman, and a New Yorker were captured by cannibals. The chief comes to them and says, "the bad news is that now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you. We will put you in a pot and cook you, eat you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die." The Frenchman says, "I take ze sword." The chief gives him a sword, he says, "Vive la France!" and runs himself through. The Englishman says, "a pistol for me, please." The chief gives him a pistol, he points it at his head, says,"God save the queen!" and blows his brains out. The New Yorker says, "gimme a fork." The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over -- the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. There's blood gushing out all over, it's horrible. The chief is appalled, even for a cannibal. He asks, "My God more...

These four guys were walking down the street, a Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean, and a New Yorker.
A reporter comes running up and says, “Excuse me, what is your opinion about the meat shortage? ”
The Saudi says, “What’s a shortage? ”
The Russian says, “What’s meat? ”
The North Korean says, “What’s an opinion? ”
The New Yorker, says, “Excuse me?? What’s excuse me? ”

These four guys were walking down the street, a Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean, and a New Yorker.

A reporter comes running up and says, "Excuse me, what is your opinion about the meat shortage?"

The Saudi says, "What's a shortage?"

The Russian says, "What's meat?"

The North Korean says, "What's an opinion?"

The New Yorker, says, "Excuse me?? What's excuse me?"

A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were captured by cannibals. The chief comes to them and says, “The bad news is that now we’ve caught you and we’re going to kill you. We will put you in a pot, cook you, eat you and then we’re going to use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you can choose how to die. ”
The Frenchman says, “I take ze sword. ” The chief gives him a sword, the Frenchman says, “Vive la France! ” and runs himself through.
The Englishman says, “a pistol for me please. ” The chief gives him a pistol, the Englishman points it at his head and says, “God save the queen! ” and blows his brains out.
The New Yorker says, “Gimme a fork! ” The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over–the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. There is blood gushing out all over, it’s horrible. The chief is appalled and asks, “My God, what are more...

After a long day of listening to a Texan brag, a New Yorker decided to show the Texan the Empire State Building.
When the Texan but down New York's well-know landmark by saying: "Heck, that's nothing. In Texas, we have outhouses bigger than that!"
The New Yorker, reponded, "You need them!"

This one New Yorker married himself a southern gal and brought her to the big city for the first time. When they first arrived he got them a hotel room and as they were laying in bed she looked over in the corner and saw a discarded condom, "Oh yuck!!" she proclaimed as she ponted it to her new husbandAs he craned his neck to see what it was he looked at her and asked "What they don't use those things where you come from?" "Yeah," she said "but we don't skin 'em!"

A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were captured by cannibals. The chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now weve caught you and were going to kill you. We will put you in a pot, cook you, eat you and then were going to use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you can choose how to die." The Frenchman says, "I take ze sword." The chief gives him a sword, the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and runs himself through. The Englishman says, "a pistol for me please." The chief gives him a pistol, the Englishman points it at his head and says, "God save the queen!" and blows his brains out. The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork!" The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over--the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. There is blood gushing out all over, its horrible. The chief is appalled and asks, "My God, more...