Youngman Jokes / Recent Jokes

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. -- Henny Youngman

The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it. -- Ann Bancroft

Any husband who says.' 'My wife and I are completely equal partners,'' is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge. -- Bill Cosby

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards. --Benjamin Franklin

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. -- Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. -- Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. -- Milton Berle

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. -- George Burns

What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds. -- Cindy Garner

When women are depressed, they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a more...

I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can't wait to exchange.
- Henry Youngman

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
- Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
- Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
- Milton Berle
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- George Burns
What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.
- Cindy Garner
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor." I said, "Where's the car?" She said, "In the lake."
- Henny Youngman
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
- Phyllis Diller
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
- Henny Youngman
People are always asking couples whose marriages have endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a for giving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman.
- more...