Youse Jokes

My love for you... it came and went. So your feet are now in wet cement.I'm here To fulfill your fondest wishesNow that your husband sleeps with the fishes.Lie down with me - it's my final offa, Or you'll be lying wit' Jimmy Hoffa.I picked up this card from a slim selectionBut that's all they offer here in witness protection.Be my Valentine, and we can do it execution-style.Cinderella got her fella, with a slipper made of glass;So please be mine, Valentine, or I'll have to whack your ass.Violets are blue, roses are red, I blew up your car - So why ain't you dead? The day we met, my little pet, I knew with just one lookYou'd bear a son, and now that's done, So shut your mouth and cook! Youse da greatest. Youse da best.But you're as untouchable as Elliot Ness.Lust is fleeting, true love lingers.Be mine always and you'll keep your fingers.Hope da chocolates is good, but y'know, dis ain't really what a guy's heart looks like.When a goon makes you die, Cuz you told him goodbye - that's more...

My love for you... it came and went. So your feet are now in wet cement. I'm here To fulfill your fondest wishesNow that your husband sleeps with the fishes. Lie down with me -- it's my final offa, Or you'll be lying wit' Jimmy Hoffa. I picked up this card from a slim selectionBut that's all they offer here in witness protection. Be my Valentine, and we can do it execution-style. Cinderella got her fella, with a slipper made of glass; So please be mine, Valentine, or I'll have to whack your ass. Violets are blue, roses are red, I blew up your car -- So why ain't you dead? The day we met, my little pet, I knew with just one lookYou'd bear a son, and now that's done, So shut your mouth and cook! Youse da greatest. Youse da best. But you're as untouchable as Elliot Ness. Lust is fleeting, true love lingers. Be mine always and you'll keep your fingers. Hope da chocolates is good, but y'know, dis ain't really what a guy's heart looks like. When a goon makes you die, Cuz you told him more...

My love for you... it came and went.
So your feet are now in wet cement.

I'm here To fulfill your fondest wishes
Now that your husband sleeps with the fishes.

Lie down with me -- it's my final offa,
Or you'll be lying wit' Jimmy Hoffa.

I picked up this card from a slim selection
But that's all they offer here in witness protection.

Be my Valentine, and we can do it execution-style.

Cinderella got her fella, with a slipper made of glass;
So please be mine, Valentine, or I'll have to whack your ass.

Violets are blue, roses are red,
I blew up your car -- So why ain't you dead?

The day we met, my little pet, I knew with just one look
You'd bear a son, and now that's done, So shut your mouth and cook!

Youse da greatest. Youse da best.
But you're as untouchable as Elliot Ness.

Lust is fleeting, true love lingers.
Be mine always and you'll keep your more...

A band at an Italian wedding decided to take requests. Nunzio walks up and asks, "Scuse me, do youse guys know da song `Strangers in da Night`? The band leader says, "Sure we know that one." Nunzio says, "Hey! dat`s great! But I got just one favor - could youse play it in 5/4 time?" "Isn`t it played in 4/4 time?" the band leader asked. "Yeah, but dis here`s a special occasion, know whut I mean?" The band discusses amongst themselves, then the leader turns and says, "I don`t think we`ll have any problems." Nunzio turns and yells out, "Hey, Cousin Vinnie! C`mon up here and sing!" Cousin Vinnie walks up to the mike as the band begins the intro, and then starts to sing, "Strangers in da f*ckin` night..."

Santa "The Claw" Claus looked down the table at the other mafia bosses. All the families were represented. Gambino, Genovisse, Corleone, Luciano, even the Sinatras put in an appearance. Santa motioned for one of the black-suited elves to hand him the paper he was holding.
"This is how's it going to be, see," said Santa, "Mrs. Claus and me are sick of youse guys moving in on our turf." He read from the paper, "Gambino: Naughty. Genovisse: Naughty. Corleone: Naughty. Luciano: Naughty. Frank Sinatra: Nice, the rest of the Sinatras: Naughty."
"He made the list and checked it twice," intoned the elf.


"Youse naughty punks are going to get the hell out of Dodge," said Santa, "Me and Frank are runnings things now."
"You can't do this," shouted Don Corleone, leaping from his seat, "My boys'll murderize ya!"
"I don't think so," said the elf, "Hope you more...