Zealand Jokes / Recent Jokes
Question: Why are New Zealand sheep so scared?
Answer: Because Kiwi Rednecks have got velcro gloves.
The 2009 Global Peace Index rated New Zealand the most peaceful nation in the world.
The United States rated a dissapointing 83rd.
I think the US should make efforts to move up the list. This year we're 83, but if we take out New Zealand...
Next year we could be 82.
When Albert Einstein died, he met three New Zealanders in the queue outside the Pearly Gates. To pass the time, he asked what were their IQs. The first replied 190. "Wonderful," exclaimed Einstein. "We can discuss the contribution made by Ernest Rutherford to atomic physics and my theory of general relativity". The second answered 150. "Good," said Einstein. "I look forward to discussing the role of New Zealand's nuclear-free legislation in the quest for world peace". The third New Zealander mumbled 50. Einstein paused, and then asked, "So what is your forecast for the budget deficit next year?"
The following is a description of a New Zealand wine taken straight from the bottle word for word. (Anyone who has tried it will know that it is a mild description).
PURPLE DEATH (that is really the name)
An unusual' Rough-as-Guts' aperitif that has the distinctive bouquet of horse-shit and old tram tickets. It is best drunk with the teeth clenched to prevent ingestion of any foreign bodies. Connoisseurs will savour the slight tannin taste of old tea leaves and burnt cat fur. Possessors of a cultivated palate will admire the initial assault on the taste buds which comes from the careful and loving blending of animal manure and perished jock straps strained through an old miner's sock. The maturing in small pigs' bladders gives it a very definite nose.
Marketed under the Saviour Brand (9 out of 10 people who drink it for the first time exclaim' Je-e-esus Chri-ist').
Caution: Keep away from' naked flames' (both old and new).
BOTTLED more...
On a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded:
2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
2 French men and 1 French woman
2 German men and 1 German woman
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
2 English men and 1 English woman
2 Polish men and 1 Polish woman
2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman
2 American men and 1 American woman
2 Australian men and 1 Australian woman
2 New Zealand men and 1 New Zealand woman
2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman
One month later, the following things have occurred:
One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
The two French men and the French woman are living happily together having loads of sex.
The two German men have a strict weekly schedule as to when they alternate with the German woman.
The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for more...
On a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded:
Two Italian men and one Italian woman
Two French men and one French woman
Two German men and one German woman
Two Greek men and one Greek woman
Two English men and one English woman
Two Polish men and one Polish woman
Two Japanese men and one Japanese woman
Two American men and one American woman
Two Australian men and one Australian woman
Two New Zealand men and one New Zealand woman
Two Irish men and one Irish woman
One month later the following things have occurred:
One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
The two French men and the French woman are living happily together having loads of sex.
The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the German woman.
The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
The two more...
In New Zealand, 30 topless women road bikes through downtown Aukland in support of the'Erotica Expo'. The'Boobs on Parade' was fully sanctioned by the New Zealand government and open to the public. Kevin Pollington, 12, called it the greatest parade ever.