"Differences between Jewish Men and Women" joke

• Women have more imagination than men. They need it to tell men how wonderful they are. • Women have a number of faults. Men have only two - everything they say and everything they do. • A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. • Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night. • When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. When men are depressed, they invade another country. • A man is a person who will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman, however, will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want. • Diamonds are a girl's best friend. Dogs are a man's best friend. Now you know which sex is smarter. • It's not true that men prefer foolish women. Rather they prefer women who can pretend to be foolish whenever necessary, which is the very core of intelligence. • Men always want to be a woman's first love. Women have a more subtle instinct: What they like is to be a man's last romance. • To be happy with a man, a woman must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, a man must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all. • A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does. • Men marry because they are tired; women marry because they are curious. Both are disappointed. • A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband, while a man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. • A woman will always cherish the memory of the man who wanted to marry her; a man will always cherish the memory of the woman who he didn't. • There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage. • Only two things are necessary for a man to do to keep his wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it. • Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die. • Any married man should forget his mistakes – it’s no use two people remembering the same thing. • Some husbands are living proof that a woman can take a joke. • Husbands are like cars: all are good the first year. • A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. • Men are like animals, but they make great pets.

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