"Learn from porn" joke
The things I've learnt from porn:
Women wear high heels to bed.
A blowjob will always get a woman out of a speeding fine.
Lesbians love it when a guy bursts in on them.
All women are bisexual or have fantasised about it.
No man is bisexual.
Women hitchhike in high heels and bikinis and will always offer you sex in exchange for a ride to who knows where.
If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having a root in the bushes, the boyfriend won't bash you if you join in without asking.
Job interviews often turn into orgies.
Nurses give patients blowjobs especially if they have multiple bandages or are in a coma. The patient always makes a miraculous recovery.
When a complete stranger asks a sunbathing woman to rub suntan lotion over her breasts she doesn't tell him to F#@% off.
She will insist he roots her.
Calling a woman a bitch won't get you thrown out of bed. It turns her on even more.
French maids and baby sitters are prostitutes.
When your girlfriend busts you getting a blowjob from her best friend she will only get pissed momentarily. Then she will happily root both of you.
Women never have a headache... or periods.
All secretaries wear glasses and have their hair tied up in a bun... but can't have sex until they take the glasses off and let their hair down.
When a woman is sucking a man's penis it is important for him to remind her to 'suck it'.
Women often go to mechanic's garages looking for sex.
A woman will always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers to find his penis there.
Men go deaf when rooting. For example: 'You like that?', 'Yeah bitch?', 'Huh baby?'.
Men don't have to beg.
Kleenex tissues are a major sponsor but never ever get a credit.
An Alabama fan was driving down a country road when he came upon two Auburn football players hitchiking. He told the Auburn players to jump in the back of his pick-up truck. He then drove down the dirt road rather fast and lost control of the truck as they were going around a more...
These four gents go out to play golf one day. One is detained in the clubhouse and
the remaining three are discussing their children while walking to the first tee.
"My son," says one, "has made quite a name for himself in the homebuilding more...
The problem with being bisexual is that you get twice as many chances to be rejected.
I had a female friend who was worried that since her boyfriend was bisexual, he could never be satisfied with just her because he would always want a man, too.
This sounds silly to me because to say a guy would be like that just because he's bisexual is like saying a guy more...