"Speech Impediment" joke

There's a guy with a speech impediment who goes out to run some errands one day. First he goes to a candy store. He walks up to the clerk and says, "I'd like this bum."
The clerk says, "You mean the gum?"
The guy answers, "That's what I said - bum."
So he gets the gum and goes on to the hardware store. He finds an employee and says, "I'd like to have the fucket on that shelf."
The employee asks, "You mean the bucket?"
The guy says, "That's what I said - fucket."
So the man starts walking home with his gum and his bucket and he walks by the pet store. In the window of the pet store is the cutest cocker spaniel puppy he's ever seen. He walks inside and says to the lady at the counter, "I'd like that cock-and-spank-it in the window."
The lady says, "You mean the cocker spaniel?"
The guy says, "That's what I said - cock-and-spank-it."
The lady gives him the dog on a leash and he's walking home with all of his purchases for the day when the leash suddenly slips out of his hands and the dog runs off.
The guy grabs the first person he sees on the street and says, "Excuse me, can you hold my bum and fucket while I grab my cock-and-spank-it?"