sockaroo's Jokes

After a few pints of bitter, Fernando Torres has a bet with Stevie Gerrard that he can go out and beat Man United all on his own.

So, come Saturday Torres goes out to Old Trafford to play whilst Stevie stays down the pub.

After the match, Nando comes back to Stevie in the pub.

'So what was the score Nando?'

'It was 1-1.'

'Ha ha ha, I win my bet!! But you did well, 1-1 against 11 men'

'Yeh, it wasn't too bad but I got sent off after 34 minutes'

Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich will today drive Spanish striker Fernando Torres into the middle of a big field and let him be free the club have confirmed, after the World Cup winner failed to be domesticated successfully into his London environment. The Russian billionaire claimed it was one of the hardest decisions he’d ever had to make, as a weak Torres will be forced to fend off wild prey like foxes, or possibly even a badger, but Abramovich concluded it was either that or flushing him down a toilet.

Torres, who was constantly falling over in front of goal and urinating on the Stamford Bridge reception rug was never likely to find another owner and whilst animal right activists argue releasing a crumbling forward straight back into the vast countryside of Britain could likely prove fatal, Chelsea claim that not even West Ham United were willing to make a bid.

Abramovich told gathering press ‘I have a receipt on my £50 million purchase, but the warranty only more...

As he struggles to win a major tennis tournament, Andy Murray has decided to get a new coach to help his cause as he's having trouble returning the ball back across the court.

If he wants to stop hitting the net, he may want to see if Fernando Torres can help him

"Hello, your through to IT support, my name is David, how can i help you today?"

"I've tried and tried but i can't find the net"

"Oh dear, okay let me take a few details first, can i take your name?"

"Fernando Torres"

Just downloaded that new song, sounds pretty good.
Jessie J ft. Fernando Torres - Can't Handle My Price Tag

Fuck you Portugal, if we wanted to hand over millions of pounds to a bunch of thieving cunts and get absolutely fuck all in return we'd have bought Fernando Torres.