justincider's Jokes

My mates taking part in a spontaneous combustion contest.
I think he'll win, he's on fire at the moment.

I said to my Doctor, "I've become a can of deodorant."

He said, "Are you sure?"

I replied, "No, I'm Lynx."

A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.

Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age."

"Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her fucking appendix out!"

A couple realise they are spending too much and decide to go through the bills together. "Look at this", demands the wife, "£30 on Beer".
Husband replies, "Well, what about this? £40 on make up?"
The wife looks at him with a smile and says, "Darling I have to have the make up so I can look young and attractive for you."
The husband shouts back, "That's what the fucking beer was for!"

A middle-aged woman looks in the mirror.
"God, I look old, fat and ugly," she says to her hubby. "Pay me a compliment, dear."
Her hubby says, "Your fucking eyesight's good!"

Whenever my girlfriends take me back to their place, they always slip into something comfortable.
A coma.

I'd like to be the last man on Earth.
Then I would know if all those girls were telling the truth.