1000 Jokes / Recent Jokes

Pappu was writing his father's name on a 1000 Watt bulb.
Santa asked him: What are you doing?
Pappu: Aapka naam roshan kar raha hoon.

A large, powerfully-built guy meets a woman at a bar. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, he stands up and starts to undress. After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says,' See that, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!' She begins to drool. The man drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder's pose, and says, referring to his bulging thighs,' See those, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!' She is aching for action at this point. Finally, he drops his underpants, and after a quick glance, she grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door. He catches her before she is able to leave and asks,' Why are you in such a hurry to go?' She replies,' With 2000 pounds of dynamite and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!'

One day, a blonde went to go get lessons on how to fly a plane. The guy at the airport said there were no more plane flying lessons this year but she could take helicopter lessons. The blonde agreed and the man taught her and said, "I'll radio you every 1000 feet you go in the air." The blonde agreed.
He jumped in and took off. At 1000 feet, she radioed him and asked how she was doing. He said she was doing great. At 2000 feet, she radioed him and asked how she was doing. He said she was doing great. But right before she got to 3000 feet, the propeller stopped and she started twirling to the ground. When she landed, he went over to pull her out of the helicopter. He asked her what went wrong because she was doing perfect before. The blonde said, ''At 2500 feet, I started to get cold so I turned the big fan off.''

A husband and wife had been fighting for 3-4 days.The next morning they got up and were still not talking. The wife broke the silence by saying she had a dream last night.The husband asked her about what.She said she had a dream she was at an auction. They were auctioning off Penises. The little ones went for $500.00 and the big ones went for $1000.00.The husband throws out his chest and curiously asked what one like his went for. His wife told him bluntly that they were giving them away as door prizes! Her husband non-chalantly brushes this aside and tell his wife that " I had a dream last night too. They were auctioning off Pussys. The loose ones went for $500.00 and the tight ones went for $1000.00.The wife, not quite thinking he would come back at her asked him how much one like hers sold for.Sell? The didn't sell yours... where in the hell do you think they held the auction!

The setting is Ohio State University about six or seven years ago in a huge lecture hall (approximately 1000 students) for a Calculus final.Apparently this particular calculus teacher wasn't very well liked. He was one of those guys who would stand at the front of the class and yell out how much time was remaining before the end of a test, a real charmer.Since he was so busy galavanting around the room making sure that nobody cheated and that everyone was aware of how much time they had left before their failure on the test was complete, he had the students stack the completed tests on the huge podium at the front of the room. This made for quite a mess, remember there were 1000 students in the class.During this particular final, one guy entered the test needing a decent grade to pass the class. His only problem with Calculus was that he did poorly when rushed, and the lecturer standing in the front of the room, barking out how much time was left before the tests had to be handed in, more...

Q: What do 1000 battered women have in common?
A: None of them will "shut up and listen".

The following letter, reprinted with permission from the Herbal
Spotlight (Hubble Hill Herbs, PO Box 2083, Loveland, CO 80539),
was received by the Secretary of Agriculture.
Dear Sir:
My friend, Ed Peterson, over at Ute, Iowa, received a check for
$1000.00 from the government for not raising 50 hogs. So, I want
to go into the "not raising hogs" business next year.
What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the best kind of
farm not to raise hogs on, and what kind is the best breed of hogs
not to raise? I want to be sure that I approach this endeavor in
keeping with all the government policies. I would very much prefer
not to raise Razorbacks, but if that is not a good breed not to
raise, then I will just as gladly not raise Yorkshires or Durocs.
As I see it, the hardest part of this program will be keeping an
accurate inventory of how many hogs I haven't raised.
My friend, Peterson, is very joyful about the more...