2nd Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Evolution of Mom

Yes, parenthood changes everything. But parenthood also changes with each baby. Here, some of the ways having a second and third child differs from having your first:

Your Clothes -

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.

2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.

3rd baby: Your maternity clothes are your regular clothes.

The Baby's Name -

1st baby: You pore over baby-name books and practice pronouncing and writing combinations of all your favorites.

2nd baby: Someone has to name their kid after your great-aunt Mavis, right? It might as well be you.

3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your finger falls. Bimaldo? Perfect!

Preparing for the Birth -

1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.

2nd baby: You don't bother practicing more...

1st Monster: What is that son of yours doing these days?
2nd Monster: He's at medical school.
1st Monster: Oh, what's he studying?
2nd Monster: Nothing, they're studying him!

THREE GUYS WERE ON A PLANE THE 1ST 1 WAS A aussie, THE 2ND 1 WAS A american, AND THE 3RD 1 WAS english [england] THEY HAD THEY HAD TO MUCH STUFF. SO THEY DECIDED TO THROW SOME STUFF OUT. THE 1ST THREW OUT A JAVELIN HE WENT DOWN AND SAW A KID CRYING HE ASKED WHY YA CRYING KID HE SAID A JAVELIN HIT ME IN THE HEAD. THE 2ND GUY THROWS DOWN A SHOTPUT HE ALSO WENT DOWN AND SAW A KID CRYING HE ASKED THE KID WHY YA CRYING KID A SHOTPUT HIT ME IN THE HEAD. THE 3RD GUY THROWS DOWN A BOMB GOES DOWN AND SAW A KID LAUGHING WHY YA LAUGHING KID WELL I FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP

Being a parent changes everything. But being a parent also changes with each baby. Here are some of the ways having a second and third child is different from having your first.
Your Clothes
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.

2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
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Preparing for the Birth
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.
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The Layette
1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd more...

There were 3 guys in a plane. The plane was about to crash. They each had to throw one item out: The 1st guy threw out an apple. The 2nd one threw out a bannana. The 3rd one threw out a bomb. There were 3 guys below them. 2 were crying, 1 was laughing. A guy went up to the 1st one and asked, "Why are you crying?" He answered, "an Apple hit me on the head. He went up to the 2nd one and asked, "Why are you crying?" He answered, "a Bannana hit me on the head." He went up to the 3rd one and asked, "Why are you laughing?" He answered, "I farted and my house blew up!"

Greg lives above a bar, and one day he was walking up the stairs after losing his job. A man comes up to him and says, "You are looking really down. I know how to make you feel better. Watch this. I'll jump off the 4th story and be sucked in the 2nd."

He jumps off and was sucked in through the 2nd story window.

"Wow, that was cool, I'm gonna do it!" says Greg.

Greg jumps off the roof and landed hard on the ground, dead. The man who was safe in the 2nd story walked down to the bar and orders a drink.

The bartender says to him, "Superman, you shouldn't mess with people's minds like that."

Newton' s Method:
Let, the lion catch you.
For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.
Implies you caught lion.
Einstein Method:
Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion.
Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon.
Now you can trap it easily.
Software Engineer Method:
Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion. If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to Lion.
Indian Police Method:
Catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to accept that its a lion.
Rajnikanth Method:
Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack anytime. The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear itself.
Jayalalitha Method:
Send Police commissioner Muthukaruppan around 2AM and kill it, while it's sleeping!
Manirathnam Method (director):
Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put the lion in a dark more...