Affair Jokes / Recent Jokes

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8 p. m.

As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied.

He slipped into his shoes and drove home. "Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house.

"Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock."

The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!".

A married man and his secretary were having a torrid affair. One afternoon they couldn't contain their passion, so they rushed over to her place where they spent the afternoon making passionate love. When they were finished, they fell asleep, not waking until 8 o'clock that night.
They got dressed quickly. Then the man asked his secretary to take his shoes outside and rub them on the lawn. Bewildered, she did as he asked, thinking him pretty weird.
The man finally got home and his wife met him at the door. Upset, she asked where he'd been. The man replied, "I can not tell a lie. My secretary and I are having an affair. Today we left work early, went to her place, spent the afternoon making love, and then fell asleep. That's why I'm late."
The wife looked at him, took notice of his shoes, and yelled, "I can see those are grass stains on your shoes. YOU LIAR! You've been playing golf again, haven't you?"

A husband suspects his wife is having an affair with a pilot, but she keeps denying it--until finally the husband just knew when his wife said: "Honey, Ive told you once, Ive told you twice, Ive told you niner thousand times, negative on the affair. .."

Paddy and his two friends are talking at work.

His first friend says, "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine."

His second friend says, "I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber. The other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine."

Paddy says, "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse."

Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief.

"No, I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed."

Santa and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says, 'I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine.'
His second friend says, 'I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber, the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine.'
Santa says, 'I think my wife is having an affair with a horse.' Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief. 'No I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed.'

The Taiwan fortune-teller never saw it coming. His wife severed his penis and flushed it down a toilet after he refused to end an extramarital affair. The woman, who turned herself in to police after the incident, told reporters she was furious about her 60-year-old husband's affair and lost control. She spiked her husband's drink with sleeping pills and used a knife to slash off his sexual organ as he slept, authorities said. The man's life was not in danger, but doctors said the damage was permanent.

A wealthy American man was having an affair with an Italian woman for a few years. One night, during a rendezvous, she confided to him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he told her he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to have the child. If she stayed there, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but wondered how he would know when the baby is born. To keep it discreet, he told her to mail him a postcard, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for child support. One day, about nine months later, he came home to his confused wife. "Honey," she said, "you received a very strange postcard today." "Oh, just give it to me and I`ll explain it later," he said. The wife did as she was asked, and watched as her husband read the card, turned white and fainted. On the card was written "Spaghetti, spaghetti, spaghetti. Two with more...