Affair Jokes / Recent Jokes

Turmoil rocked Heaven this morning as allegations arose that God had had an affair with a former worshiper.

The scandal was begun when a 21 year old woman, known only as Mary, claimed that she had given birth to God's "only son" last week in a barn in the hamlet of Bethlehem.

Sources close to Mary claim that she "had loved God for a long time," that she was constantly talking about her relationship with God, and that she was "thrilled to have had his child."

In a press conference this morning, God issued a vehement denial, saying that "No sexual relationship existed" and that "the facts of this story will come out in time, verily."

Independent counsel Kenneth Beazulbub immediately filed a brief with the Justice department to expand his investigation to cover questions of whether any commandments may have been broken, and whether God had illegally funneled laundered money to his illegitimate more...

A man returning home a day early from a business trip, got into a taxi at the airport after midnight, and while enroute to his home, asked the driver if he would be a witness, as he suspected his wife was having an affair, and expected to catch her in the act.
The driver agreed, and they both tiptoed into the bedroom, turned on the lights pulled the blanket back and found the wife in bed with another man. The husband put his gun to the man's head, and the wife shouted,
"Don't do it, this man has been very generous. Who do you think paid for the Corvette I said I bought for you, who do you think paid for our new boat, he did!" The husband, looked over at the cab driver, and said, "What would you do in a case like this?"
The cabbie smiled, and said, "I'd cover him up before he catches cold."

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8.00 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home. Where have you been!" demanded his wife when he entered the house. "Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary, and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until 8.00 p.m." The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!!"

Charlie was responsible for taking up the offerings at a local church. One Sunday, after the service, the priest counted the money and found there was less than anticipated, given the size of the congregation. He took Charlie aside and questioned him.
Charlie said that he did not take any of the offerings.
The priest questioned him again and again and Charlie continued to insist that he did not take any of the offerings. So, the priest told Charlie to get into the confessional, which he did.
The priest then asked him again, "Charlie, did you take any of the offering?" This time, Charlie replied, "I can't hear you."
The priest asked Charlie the same question several times and Charlie would always reply, "I can't hear you."
Finally, the priest yelled, "CHARLIE, DID YOU TAKE ANY OF THE OFFERING?"
Again, the reply was, "I can't hear you."
The priest was now beginning to get angry, so he came out of the more...

Which president smoked marijuana with a nude playgirl while he joked about being too wasted to "push the button" in case of nuclear attack?
Which president allegedly had affairs with both a winner AND a finalist in the Miss America pageant?
Which president had sex with one of his secretaries stretched out atop a desk in the oval office?
Which president allegedly had an affair (as well as children) with a slave who was his wife's half sister?
Which president called his mistress "Pookie"?
Which president married a woman who hadn't yet divorced her first husband, and was branded an "adulterer" during his re-election campaign?
Which future president wrote love letters to his neighbor's wife while he was engaged to someone else?
Which president had a torrid affair with the first lady's personal secretary?
Which president had sex with a young woman in a White House coat closet - at one point, while a secret service agent more...

An old couple in an old folks home are having an affair, nothing much they just sit watching TV late at night while the old woman holds the old mans dick. Then suddenly the old man ends the affair because of another woman. The old womans distraught and yells, "WHATS THIS OTHER WOMAN GOT THAT I HAVENT!" The old man smiles and says, "Parkinsons disease"

Three guys die and go to Hell. The Devil asks each of them how
they died.
The first guy said "I was standing on my balcony when I leaned
and fell, but I got hold of the balcony below my apartment, when
a maniac lifted my hands and pushed me off the balcony,
fortunately I fell on a tree and I was still alive. But the
psycho wasn't done he killed me by throwing a refrigerator on me."
The Second guy said "I came home from a tough day of work when I
saw my wife on the bed wearing a sexy lingeria. I suspected that
she was having an affair with someone. I went to my balcony and
saw someone hanging on my balcony. I was furious, I pushed him
off, but he escaped when he fell on a tree, I got so mad, I took
my refrigerator and threw it on him, but my shirt got caught on
the refrigerator door, I fell with the fride and died."
The third guy said "I was having an affair with a married woman
when her more...