Afternoon Jokes / Recent Jokes

In the pre-Thanksgiving rush, we have received an early
weather report from our in-house weather reporters. This is
one, you should be sure to email your Mom.
Turkeys will thaw in the morning, then warm in the oven to an
afternoon high near 190F. The kitchen will turn hot and
humid, and if you bother the cook, be ready for a severe
squall or cold shoulder.
During the late afternoon and evening, the cold front of a
knife will slice through the turkey, causing an accumulation
of one to two inches on plates. Mashed potatoes will drift
across one side while cranberry sauce creates slippery spots
on the other. Please pass the gravy.
A weight watch and indigestion warning have been issued for
the entire area, with increased stuffiness around the
beltway. During the evening, the turkey will diminish and
taper off to leftovers, dropping to a low of 34F in the
refrigerator.
Looking ahead to Friday and Saturday, high pressure more...

A middle manager is called into his bosses office on a Monday morning. He is told he has to get rid of one employee in his department by thenext Monday. "Downsizing."He's really upset. Everyone in his department does a good job and itdoesn't seem fair. So for the next 2 days he racks his brain trying tofigure out who to fire. On Tuesday afternoon he sees Jack and Jillstanding at the water cooler. He says to himself, "Okay it's going to beone of them."He spends the next few days scrutinizing what each of them does. Everything is equal. Productivity. Time off. Reports. Everything. He'sin a quandary. It's Friday afternoon and he knows his going to have tothink about this all weekend. Everyone has left the office except Jack andJill, who are getting ready to leave. She comes over to say goodbye."Have a good weekend boss. Hey you don't look so good. Is everythingokay?"He looks at her and says "To be honest, I'm having a tough time here. Ican't decide if I more...

A man traveled to Madrid, Spain and went to a restaurant for a late dinner. He ordered the house special and was brought a plate with potatoes, corn, and two large meaty objects. "What's this?" he asked.
"Cojones, se

It's Colonel Smith's first day at a new base in Saudi Arabia, and the company clerk is showing him around the camp. They tour the entire base and the clerk shows him around and points out every building of interest. At the end of the tour, the Colonel says, "What about that little stable over there? What's that for?" "Well," says the clerk, and looks at the ground in embarassment, "you may have noticed there aren't any women on the base. You see, we keep a camel in that there stable, so that when the men get their urges they can --"The Colonel holds up his hand, shakes his head and cuts off the clerk midsentence. "PLEASE! Say no more. I get the point." Well, as you can imagine, after a few weeks on the base the Colonel too felt the need for a woman, and so he found himself at the clerk's desk one Saturday afternoon. "Tell me," the Colonel said in a whisper, looking over his shoulder to be sure no one else could hear, "is the camel more...

This man had decided to spend some time in this new and fancy resort which advertised an all inclusive do all you can kind of sejour. So he shows up at the desk, gets his key and goes to his room. Looking thru the hotel's book he finds there are tennis courts on the premises so he calls the desk to find out how to go about playing a set or two. "Just meet the pro at the tennis shop, he will lend you all that you need and will find you someone to play with." answered a very polite clerk. "How much is that going to cost me" the man asks So the man goes to the shop, plays tennis all afternoon. When he is done he asks the pro how much he owed. "Nothing, this is on the room." The next day he decided to try horse backriding and again found it did not cost him a penny more than the price of the room. After a week there he had done just about everything that was available except golf. On his last day he decided to play a round so he goes to the club house, gets more...

A man traveled to Madrid, Spain and went to a restaurant for a late dinner. He ordered the house special and was brought a plate with potatoes, corn, and two large meaty objects. "What's this?" he asked.
"Cojones, se

Welcome to the LoveMaker! (v3. 1 Erosoft Industries, (c) 1993)
At the prompt, please enter your response.
I am the LOVEMAKER. A personalized, interactive poetry assistance program.
What is your name?
%JOHN
What a nice name, JOHN. You must be a man.
%YES
How nice for you. Who is your poem for, JOHN?
%SHEILA
How nice for SHEILA. She must be a woman?
%YES
SHEILA must be very special to you, JOHN. Is she?
%YES
What is the occasion, JOHN?
%VALENTINE'S DAY
SHEILA is a very lucky woman. I will need information about SHEILA
for a poem that best reflects your deep feelings for her, JOHN.
What color are her eyes?
%BLUE
Thank you, JOHN. But could you be more specific? Are they blue like
the sky after a clearing storm? Are they the icy blue of the far flung
fjords, shrouded in mist and mystery? Are they the steely blue of Walter
Gropius's later Bauhaus sketchbooks? Are they a cornflower more...