Aids Jokes / Recent Jokes

How do you get Visual Aids? - From a nasty poke in the eye.

Recently, President Clinton and Boris Yeltsin had a conference on
the spread of AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases in
their countries. Yeltsin asked Clinton how he and his
administration are attempting to stop the spread of AIDS.
"We promote abstinence in the United States," Clinton told him.
"That would never work in the USSR," Yeltsin replied. "People are
going to have sex, and the government can`t do or say anything
to stop that. I want to promote the use of condoms in my
country. The problem is, we don`t have any good condom companies
in Russia."
"Well, in the US we have many condom companies, and one of the
best is Trojan," Clinton told him. "Let me give the president of
the company a call. I`ll ask him to send some condoms to you, so
you can distribute them in your country. How many do you want?"
"We`d probably need about 5 million or so to more...

A man goes to the doctor and says "Doctor, I dont feel too good, could you check me over?".
The doctor does some tests and says " I hate to tell you this but you have AIDS."
The man says "Oh my goodness, is there anything I should do?"
The doctor says "Yeah, drink a couple gallons of prune juice, eat a box of bran flakes, eat as much ex-lax as you can stomach and then get some mexican food."
The man asks "Will that cure me?"
The doctor says " No, but it will remind you what your ass is for!"

Retire Aged Personell EarlyTO ALL MCCCD EMPLOYEESFROM GOVERNING BOREDDATE 22 APR 19861. As a result of the HAYZE mismanagement study, we mustdrastically cut most salaries and reduce our number of personnel.Under this plan, older employees will go on early retirement, thus permitting management to focus its abuse on youngeremployees who represent our future.2. Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by theend of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placedinto effect immediately. The program will be known as RAPE(Retire Aged Personnel Early). Employees who are RAPED will begiven the opportunity to work other jobs within the system atgreatly reduced pay. This phase of the reduction program iscalled SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers).3. All employees who have been RAPED or SCREWED may applyfor a new re- employment eligibility service. This service willbe called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority FollowingTermination). Current regulations state that more...

There's a blonde in a bar, huge tits, an ass to die for...all round fuckin' babe. A group of guys across the bar see this fine lookin' lady and decide they are going to see if the leader of the group can pick this chick up! So all the guys put $20 in the pot and send off this sorry bastard toward the blonde. He's standing there, she smiles...he whispers a few sweet nothings in her ear, she laughs...he takes her by the hand, and she leaves with him. The guys can't believe it!
So the guy and gal end up goin' back to his place. The guy has the largest fuckin' dick on in the world and before a fat bitch could finish eating a penis, they're fucking like
pigs!
After about 2 minutes of hard wet and juicy banging, the guy cums all over the bitch an decides he's had enough and tells the blonde to roll over.
After about 3 minutes of layin' around the blonde turns towards the guy and asks, "Do you have AIDS?" He says, "Fuck no!" And she replies, more...

Son takes his father to the doctor. Doctor gives them the bad news that the father is dying of cancer. Father tells the son that he has had a good long life and wants to stop at the bar on the way home to celebrate it.

While at the bar, the father sees several of his friends. He tells them that he is dying of AIDS.

When the friends leave the son asks, "Dad, you are dying of cancer. Why did you tell them that you are dying of AIDS?"

The father replies, "I don't want them hitting on your mother after I'm gone!"

A man went to the doctor for his yearly physical, and afterwards the doctor sat him down and told him he needed to talk. He said "I have bad news, and worse news - which one do you want to hear first?"The patient says "Well I guess give me the bad news first..."Doctor replies, "You've got AIDS.""Oh, no! What could be worse than that?" asks the patient."You've also got Alzheimer's Disease."Looking relieved, the patient sits for a minute then says, "Oh...Well, that's not so bad. At least I don't have AIDS."