Ambulance Jokes / Recent Jokes

THINK YOU'RE HAVING A BAD DAY.... check it out these actual cases. Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned-out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scubatanks on his back, flippers, and face mask. A postmortem test revealed that the man died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification. Investigators then set about to determine how a fully clothed diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire. It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the man went diving off the coast, some 20 miles from the forest. The fire fighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, had called in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and emptied at the site of the forest fire. You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next, he was doing the more...

A REALLY Bad Day

So you think you're having a bad day. The following is taken from a Florida newspaper:

A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the house in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle and somehow, the motorcycle slipped into gear. The man, still holding the handlebars, was dragged through a glass patio door and the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house.

The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room, and found her husband laying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle laying next to him and the patio door shattered. The wife ran to the phone and summoned an ambulance.

Because they lived on a fairly large hill, the wife went down the several flights of long steps to the street to direct the paramedics to her husband. After the ambulance arrived and transported the husband to the hospital, the wife uprighted the motorcycle and pushed it outside. Seeing more...

Three paramedics were boasting about improvements in their respective ambulance team's response times.

"Since we installed our new satellite navigation system," bragged the first one, "we cut our emergency response time by ten percent."

The other paramedics nodded in approval. "Not bad," the second paramedic commented. "But by using a computer model of traffic patterns, we've cut our average ERT by 20 percent."

Again, the other team members gave their congratulations, until the third paramedic said, "That's nothing! Since our ambulance driver passed the bar exam, we've cut our emergency response time in half!"

Three paramedics were boasting about improvements in their respective ambulance teams response times. Since we installed our new satellite navigation system, bragged one, weve cut our emergency response time by ten percent.

Not bad, the second paramedic commented. But by using a computer model of traffic patterns, we we cut our average time by 20 percent.

Thats nothing said the third paramedic. Since our ambulance driver passed the bar exam, weve cut our emergency response time in half!

Three paramedics were boasting about improvements in their respective ambulance team’s response times. “Since we installed our new satellite navigation system, ” bragged one, “we’ve cut our emergency response time by ten percent. ”“Not bad, ” the second paramedic commented. “But by using a computer model of traffic patterns, we we cut our average time by 20 percent. ”“That’s nothing said the third paramedic. “Since our ambulance driver passed the bar exam, we’ve cut our emergency response time in half! ”

A few years ago, while riding home from school on my bicycle,
I had a bit of a problem; a pedal broke, the shaft cut an
artery in my leg, lots of blood, police, the ambulance, etc.
After they sewed me up at the hospital, I wanted to call my
wife to come to pick me up. My problem was how to gently
break it to her that I was in the hospital, so that she
wouldn't get worried. I knew how to do it, and the conversation
went like this:
"Hi, Jackie, I'm a bit late today. I had a problem
with my bicycle. Could you pick me up?"
"What happened?"
"My Pedal broke."
"Where are you?"
"Well, I cut my leg when it broke, and I decided to
stop at the hospital to let a doctor look at it."
(Pretty good, eh. She wouldn't get worried by that. I was congratulating
myself on being so smooth, when I got caught with an unexpected
question which I answered honestly.)
"Which more...

One day a blond is getting back from the stor and as she pulls into the drive way she heres aload BANG! and fells somthing hit her head she reach's back and feels somthing soft and mushey in alarm she grabs here head thinking that she had been shot and that that was her brain. as somone gos by they notice her yelling for an ambulance so the man runs and calls an ambulance. when the paramedecs pry her hands from her head they find her cluthching a pice of dough!