Andy Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was a young Scotsman called Andy, Who knocked over his bottle of Shandy.He lifted his kilt, To wipe up what he spilt, And the barmaid said, "Blimey! That's handy!"

A Christian man had just died and was on his way to heaven. When he got to the gates of heaven he met an angel. The angel asked him what God's name was.' Oh that's easy,' the man replied,' His name is Andy.'' What make you think his name is Andy?' the angel asked incredulously.' Well, you see at Church we used to sing this song' Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me.'

Knock Knock Who's there! Andy! Andy who? Andy little gadgets to have, door knockers!

"Two Andy Gorams, there's only two Andy Gorams"
- Kilmarnock fans to the Rangers keeper after he had been diagnosed with mild schizophrenia
"I've told the players we need to win so that I can have the cash to buy some new ones."
- Chris Turner, Peterborough manager, before LC QF, 1992
"I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered."
- George Best
"If we played like that every week we wouldn't be so inconsistent."
- Bryan Robson, Man Utd, 1990
"That's great, tell him he's Pele and get him back on."
- John Lambie, Partick Thistle manager, when told a concussed striker did not know who he was.
"I was saying the other day, how often the most vulnerable area for goalies is between their legs."
- Andy Gray, Sky Sport
Richard Keys: "Well Roy, do you think that you'll have to finish above Manchester United to win the more...

A dumb Blonde died and went to Heaven. When she got to the Pearly Gates, she met Saint Peter who said, "Before you get to come into Heaven, you have to pass a test."
"Oh, No!" she said but Saint Peter said not to worry he'd make it easy.
"Who was God's son?" said Saint Peter.
The dumb Blonde thought for a few minutes and said, "Andy!"
"That's interesting... What made you say that?" said Saint Peter
Then She started to sing: "Andy walks with me! Andy talks with me! Andy tells me... "

A dumb Blonde died and went to Heaven. When she got to the Pearly Gates, she met Saint Peter who said, "Before you get to come into Heaven, you have to pass a test.""Oh, No!" she said but Saint Peter said not to worry he'd make it easy."Who was God's son?" said Saint Peter.The dumb Blonde thought for a few minutes and said, "Andy!""That's interesting... What made you say that?" said Saint PeterThen She started to sing: "Andy walks with me! Andy talks with me! Andy tells me... "

Andy was a staunch Republican, while Mary was Democrat through and through. They met at a political rally, and spent many hours arguing back and forth, until eventually love blossomed, and they got married.
On the wedding night, however, as many of their friends had prophesied, they argued.
Turning their backs on each other, they went to sleep; but about 3 in the morning - "I'm sorry, Andy. There's been a split in the Democrat Party, and if the Republican member stood now, he'd get in with no problem."
"Too late, the Republican member stood as an Independent, and lost his deposit!"