April Jokes / Recent Jokes

Sri Lanka now hires very suitable candidates for the post of Members of 2004 parliment. Hurry up and submit your application soon.
Qualifications:
Education: Not required
Age: 18 to 85 years
Skills: A foul mouth and longe tongue, Ability to use illegel firearms, close contacts with underworld gangs, experiene in making small size explosives, ability to stuff ballot boxes with hora votes. Preference will given to those who have a good track record of scams, fruads and money swindlings. Knowledge of damaging the environment with polythene a must.
The following benefits will be offered:
Salary Rs. 22100/= per month
Other allowances legal; Entertainment Rs1000/= pm
Fuel Rs. 7500/=pm Cell phone Rs. 2000/=pm Attending parliment: Rs. 4000/=pm Driver: s. Rs3500/=pm and postage Rs7500pm
Other extra benefits:
Telephone with international connection
Free photocopier, computer and typewriter at duty free rates, permit to import luxury car, more...

Santa got into a bus on 1st April. When conductor asked for the ticket he gave 10 rs and took the ticket and said "APRIL FOOL, I have PASS"

Extracted from US news papers:
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In Detroit, the lawyer for accused murderer Rondelle Woods, 23, delivered part of his closing
argument to the jury in rap:' Went to a party, sweet 16, decided to stay on the scene.' Woods was
acquitted. But in Las Vegas in December, Eric Clark, 22, pleaded with the judge, in rap for a light
sentence:' I'm sellin' dope, and I as gettin' paid too blind to see how I was gettin' played.' He
got 23 years. - Universal Press Syndicate
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A Tokyo company, Juonsha, recently began offering a mail-order curse kit, featuring a straw doll to
represent the hexee, along with eight accessories, including nails, a curse manual, and a
curse-blocking doll to ward off return curses. The company at first marketed to boys and girls
bullied at school, but discovered the major market is women who hope to put spells on neighbors,
in-laws and more...

What monster plays the most April Fool's jokes? Prankenstein!

April 16 - April 22

- "Enough beating around the bush. How many buckets of KFC is it gonna take to get you off my back?"

- Radio personality Don Imus, trying to strike a deal with Al Sharpton.

April showers bring May flowers, and Mayflowers bring Pilgrims.

Firm Grasp of the Obvious Department
From the Notebook pages of The New Republic 1995
Study Finds Sex, Pregnancy Link
- Cornell Daily Sun, December 7, 1995
Whatever Their motives, Moms Who Kill Kids still Shock Us
- Holland Sentinal, date unknown.
Survey Finds Dirtier Subways After Cleaning Jobs Were Cut
- The New York Times, November 22
Larger Kangaroos Leap Farther, Researchers Find
- The Los Angeles Times, November 2
'Light' meals are lower in fat, calories
- Huntington Herald-Dispatch, November 30
Alcohol ads promote drinking
- The Hartford Courant, November 18
Malls try to attract shoppers
- The Baltimore Sun, October 22
Official: Only rain will cure drought
- The Herald-News, Westpost, Massachusetts
Teen-age girls often have babies fathered by men
- The Sunday Oregonian, September 24
Low Wages Said Key to Poverty
- Newsday, July 11
Man shoots neighbor with machete
- The Miami Herald, July more...