Awake Jokes / Recent Jokes
Little Johnny's teacher noticed that he was sporting a black eye. She asked him what happened, and he replied, "Ma'am, you remember I told you how I sleep on the floor next to my parent's bed? Well, last night, my dad asked me if I was still awake, I said yes and then he punched me in the face."
"Ok, Johnny", the teacher said, trying to help, " the next time your dad asks you if you're still awake, don't answer, just lay still and pretend to be asleep."
All went well, until a few weeks later, Little Johnny came to class with another black eye. The teacher asked him why he didn't follow her advice.
Johnny explained, "Ma'am, I tried to, when dad asked me if I was awake, I kept quiet and lay really still, and pretended to be asleep, but then Dad said' I'm coming', and Mom said' I'm coming too', and I didn't want them to go anywhere without me, so I shouted,' Let me just put on my slippers, I'm coming too' and that's when I got punched in more...
A new two-year degree is being offered at the University that many of you should be interested in: Becoming A Real Man. That's right, in just six trimesters, you, too, can be a real man-as well as earn an MA Degree (Male Arts). Please take a moment to look over the program outline. FIRST YEAR Autumn Schedule: MEN 101--Combating Stupidity MEN 102--You, Too, Can Do Housework MEN 103--PMS-Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut MEN 104--We Do Not Want Sleazy Under things for ChristmasWinter Schedule: MEN 110--Wonderful Laundry Techniques MEN 111--Understanding the Female Response to Getting in at 4 am MEN 112--Parenting: It Doesn't End with Conception EAT 100--Get a Life, Learn to Cook EAT 101--Get a Life, Learn to Cook II ECON 001A--What's Hers is HersSpring Schedule: MEN 120--How NOT to Act Like a Butt face When You're Wrong MEN 121--Understanding Your Incompetence MEN 122--YOU, the Weaker Sex MEN 123--Reasons to Give Flowers ECON 001C--What Was Yours is HersSECOND YEAR Autumn Schedule: SEX more...
A new two-year degree is being offered at the University that many of you should be interested in: Becoming A Real Man. That's right, in just six trimesters, you, too, can be a real man-as well as earn an MA Degree (Male Arts). Please take a moment to look over the program outline.FIRST YEAR Autumn Schedule: MEN 101-Combating Stupidity MEN 102-You, Too, Can Do Housework MEN 103-PMS-Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut MEN 104-We Do Not Want Sleazy Under things for ChristmasWinter Schedule: MEN 110-Wonderful Laundry Techniques MEN 111-Understanding the Female Response to Getting in at 4 am MEN 112-Parenting: It Doesn't End with Conception EAT 100-Get a Life, Learn to Cook EAT 101-Get a Life, Learn to Cook II ECON 001A-What's Hers is HersSpring Schedule: MEN 120-How NOT to Act Like a Butt face When You're Wrong MEN 121-Understanding Your Incompetence MEN 122-YOU, the Weaker Sex MEN 123-Reasons to Give Flowers ECON 001C-What Was Yours is HersSECOND YEAR Autumn Schedule: SEX 101-You CAN more...
Herman and Martha were happily married for nearly forty years. The
only friction in their marriage was caused by the husband's habit of breaking
wind nearly every morning as he awoke. The noise would always wake up Martha
and the smell would cause her eyes to water as she would choke and gasp for
air. Nearly every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping one in
the morning. Herman told her that he couldn't help it. She begged him to
visit a doctor to see if anything could be done, but the husband wouldn't
hear of it. He told her that it was just a natural bodily function, and then
he would laugh in her face as she tried to wave the fumes away with her
hands. She told him that there was nothing natural about it and if he didn't
stop, he was one day going to "fart his guts out."
The years went by and Martha continued to suffer and Herman continued
to ignore her warnings about "farting his guts out" until one more...
Blow job etiquette (by a woman)
1 - First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.
2 - Extension to rule #1- So if you get one, be grateful.
3 - I don't care what they did in the porn video you saw; it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face.
4 - Extension to rule #3- No, I don't have to swallow.
My ears are not handles.
5 - Extension to rule #5- Do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really want puke on your dick?
6 - I don't care how relaxed you get, it is never ok to fart.
7 - Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" -get it through your head- I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just you can't have sex right now.
8 - Extension to #8- "blue balls" might have worked on high school girls- if you are that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my midol.
9 - If I have to pause to more...