Basketball Jokes / Recent Jokes

At a college with a shady reputation, the new dean responded to investigations into the basketball team by suspending any basketball player who wasn't maintaining a passing average. Furious, the coach came storming into the dean's office, followed by one of his star players."You can't keep him from playing!" the coach roared. "We won't win this weekend without him!""I don't care," the dean said. "Things have gotten out of hand at this college.""What do you mean, out of hand?" the coach demanded."I'll show you what I mean," the dean said. He turned to the basketball player and said, "Tell me, how much is six times seven?"The player thought for several seconds. Then he said, "Thirty- one?"The dean turned to the coach and said, "I rest my case.""Oh, come on now," the coach said. "Why are you making such a big deal of it? After all, he only missed it by one."

Famous Sports Quotes.
Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me."
New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."
And, upon hearing Joe Jacoby of the 'Skins say "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said, "To win, I'd run over Joe's mom too."
Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann 1996: "Nobody in football should be called a genius.. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
Oiler coach Bum Phillips: When asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded, "Because she is too damn ugly to kiss goodbye."
Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it more...

These are actual sports quotes said by various people throughout the world. Oiler coach Bum Phillips: When asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded, "Because she is too ugly to kiss goodbye."New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:"I want to rush for 1, 000 or 1, 500 yards, whichever comes first." And, upon hearing Joe Jacoby of the' Skins say "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said, "To win, I'd run over Joe's mom too." Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann 1996: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." and "You guys pair up more...

The Cleveland Cavaliers trounced the Boston Celtics in Cleveland on Sunday to improve their home record to 39 and 1, one win shy of the NBA record. Wow, that is quite an achievement. I can't believe that they convinced so many teams to travel to Cleveland.

Yao Ming has been cleared to play. But he's so weak as a Rocket, fans now think he's from North Korea.

Two college basketball players were taking an important final exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the big game the following week. The exam was fill-in-the-blank. The last question read, "Old MacDonald had a ________."Bubba was stumped. He had no idea what to answer. But he knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed. Making sure the professor wasnt watching, he tapped Tiny on the shoulder. "Pssst. Tiny. Whats the answer to the last question?"Tiny laughed. He looked around to make sure the professor hadnt noticed then he turned to Bubba. "Bubba, youre so stupid. Everyone knows Old MacDonald had a FARM.""Oh yeah," said Bubba. "I remember now."He picked up his No. 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. He stopped. Tapping Tinys should er again, he whispered, "Tiny, how do you spell farm?""You are really dumb, Bubba. Thats so easy. Farm is more...

...Isiah Thomas was fired as Knicks coach Friday. Isiah is actually relieved, saying "This frees me up so now i can devote more time to getting around to sexually harassing anyone in the Knicks offices that i missed the first time around."