Bears Jokes / Recent Jokes

There were these three bears were out for a drive in a car, when they accidentally drove off a cliff and into a lake.
Q: Which bear did not get wet?
A: The dribear.
Q: Which bear saw the accident?
A: The neighbear.
Q: Which bear came out of the car safely?
A: The surbibear.
Q: Which bear fixed the car?
A: The Macguybear.
Q: what's white, furry, and shaped like a tooth?
A: a molar bear!

>>One day Mr.Rabbit & Mr.Bear were walking through the woods, and they hadn't seen any other animals for sometime.

Yes, they're ALL TRUE as heard at the information kiosks manned by Parks Canada staff!

1. How do the elk know they're supposed to cross at the "Elk Crossing" signs?

2. At what elevation does an elk become a moose?

3. Are the bears with collars tame?

4. Is there anywhere I can see the bears pose?

5. Is it okay to keep an open bag of bacon on the picnic table, or should I store it in my tent?

6. I saw an animal on the way to Banff today - could you tell me what it was?

7. Are there birds in Canada?

8. Did I miss the turnoff for Canada?

9. Where does Alberta end and Canada begin?

10. Do you have a map of the State of Jasper?

11. Is this the part of Canada that speaks French, or is that Saskatchewan?

12. If I go to B.C., do I have to go through Ontario?

13. Which is the way to the Columbia Rice fields?

14. How far is Banff from more...

A bear is chasing a rabbit through a forest. They find a bottle and decide to rub it. A genie pops out. He says "I will grant each of you three wishes."The bear says "I wish all the bears in the forest were females." *poof* It's done. The rabbit says "I wish for a motorcycle." *poof* It's done. The bear says "I wish all the bears in this country were females." *poof* It's done. The rabbit says "I wish for a lifetime supply of carrots back at my house." *poof* It's done. The bear is thinking to himself "why is the rabbit wasting his wishes on stupid small things? oh well." "And for my third wish, I wish that all the bears in the world were female." *poof* It's done. The rabbit says "For MY last wish, I want the bear to be gay." And he rides off on his motorcycle.

A very wealthy lawyer retreated for several weeks each year to his summer home in the backwoods of Maine. Every summer, he would invite one friend or another to stay with him there for a week or two.
One summer he invited a Czechoslovakian friend to visit him. The friend, happy to get anything free from a lawyer, eagerly agreed. When the time came, they spent a wonderful time, getting up early every morning and enjoying the great outdoors.
One morning, as the lawyer and his Czechoslovakian friend were picking raspberries and blueberries for their breakfast, they were approached by two huge bears-a male and a female.
The lawyer noticed them in time to run for cover. His friend, however, was not so lucky. The male bear reached him and swallowed him whole.
Seeing this, the lawyer ran back to his Mercedes and raced for the nearest town to get the local sheriff. The sheriff grabbed his high-powered rifle and raced back to the berry area with the lawyer. All the while, he more...

A very wealthy lawyer retreated for several weeks each year to his summer home in the backwoods of Maine. Every summer, he would invite one friend or another to stay with him there for a week or two.One summer he invited a Czechoslovakian friend to visit him. The friend, happy to get anything free from a lawyer, eagerly agreed. When the time came, they spent a wonderful time, getting up early every morning and enjoying the great outdoors.One morning, as the lawyer and his Czechoslovakian friend were picking raspberries and blueberries for their breakfast, they were approached by two huge bears-a male and a female.The lawyer noticed them in time to run for cover. His friend, however, was not so lucky. The male bear reached him and swallowed him whole.Seeing this, the lawyer ran back to his Mercedes and raced for the nearest town to get the local sheriff. The sheriff grabbed his high-powered rifle and raced back to the berry area with the lawyer. All the while, he was plagued by visions more...

I came across this joke whilst listing to our local radio station!
There was a bear that had been walking for a very long time and decided to call in to the local bar, Well he goes into the bar, sits himself down and says to the bar tender "I would like a beer thanks"
The bartender replies "Sorry mate we do not sell beer to bears in Big Bill Burger Bar"
Now at this point the bear is getting angery so he thumps the bar and repeats "I would like a beer"
Once again the Barman replies " Sorry mate we do not sell beer to bears that bang on the bar at Big Bills Burger Bar!"
Now by this time the bear is getting pretty angery and starts to bash to costomers that was sitting next to him!
And the bear says again "I would like a beer please"
And once again the barman replies "sorry we do not sell beer to bears that bash the bar and bistanders!"
Now by this time the bear was anger than hell so the bear more...