Bears Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: Why do bears have fur coats?
A: Because they'd look stupid in anoraks!
Q: What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
A: A teddy boar!
Q: What should you call a bald teddy?
A; Fred bear!
Q: What animal do you look like when you get into the bath?
A: A little bear!
Q: Why is polar bear cheap to have as a pet?
A: It lives on ice!
Q: Have you ever hunted bear?
A: No, but I've been shooting in my shorts!
Q: How do you hire a teddy bear?
A: Put him on stilts!
Q: What's a teddy bears favourite pasta?
A: Tagliateddy!
Q: Why shouldn't you take a bear to the zoo?
A: Because they'd rather go to the cinema!
Q: What is a bear's favourite drink?
A: Koka-Koala!

Women are empathic, men are pathetic. We haven't got a clue as to empathizing with another human being.
Male bonding consists of hitting each other on the shoulder, swearing a lot, and talking about the latest football game (Go Bears!!!) while consuming huge amounts of beer.
Female bonding is another thing all together. It consists of expressing emotions from despair to bliss, talking of inner feelings and personal relationships, and, of course, how clueless we men are.
Example from my marriage: Shorty after our Honeymoon, my bride stepped between me and the television, and said "We have to talk." Being new to the married thing, and not knowing the ramifications of a "we have to talk" talk, I immediately turned the TV off (the Bears were winning big anyway, and I was out of beer), and said "Whatever is bothering you is bothering me. Tell me about it."
This was, I thought, just the kind of careing, loving statement a good husband should more...

There’s a guy who’s hiking in the woods one day when a bear chases him up a really tall tree.
The bear started to climb the tree, so the guy climbed up higher. Then, the bear climbed down and went away.
So the guy starts to climb down the tree. Suddenly, the bear returns, and this time he’s brought an even bigger bear with him. The two bears climb up the tree, the bigger bear going higher than the first. But the guy climbed even higher still, so the bears couldn’t reach him. Eventually, the bears went away.
Naturally quite relieved, the guy starts down the tree again. Suddenly, the two bears return. But this time the guy knew he was in big trouble.
Each bear was carrying a BEAVER.

Heard on Paul Harvey's "Rest of the Story" 12/24/92
A man climbed the fence to the bear cage in Karachi and began yelling to
the bears, apparently challenging them to a fight.
According to hospital officials, the bears accepted.

In light of the rising frequency of human/grizzly bear conflicts, the Alaska Department of Fishing and Gaming is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert of bears while in the field. The department has posted the following notice:
We advise that outdoorsmen wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle any bears.
We also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear.
It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity.
Outdoors men should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear feces. Black bear feces is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear feces has little bells in it and smells like pepper.

Two hunters from Moscow charter a small plane to fly them to Siberia to go bear hunting.
On landing, the pilot says, "Remember, this plane can only fly with two hunters, one pilot, and ONE bear."
The hunters go out and return with two bears.
So the pilot says, "I told you ONE bear!"
But the hunters point out that the previous year, on payment of an extra 100 rubles, the pilot had let them put two bears on board. After long discussion centering on the impossibility of the thing and the disgraceful degree of inflation, the pilot takes 200 rubles and with much pushing and shoving the hunters get aboard with the two bears.
After struggling into the air and fitfully flying for about two hours, the plane gives up and plummets to the earth in a snowbank.
Climbing out from under the snow and the bears, the hunters ask the pilot where he thinks they are.
The pilot says, "About the same place we crashed last year."

Three nature lovers went for a drive into the mountains one day to see if they could spot some bears. They wanted to take pictures of bears for their photo album. So they drove along an old dirt road until they entered the trees. As they rounded a curve, they spotted a sign that read: "BEAR LEFT."
So they turned around and went home.