Beef Jokes / Recent Jokes

Pig farmers have never done well in the United States. Most Americans prefer beef to pork. Hamburger is an American favorite but contains no ham. The porcine raisers were hopeful to see a significant increase in their business after the scares about health over beef, but most of the benefits had gone to the poultry and fish industries, Sale of ham and bacon remained virtually unchanged.
Because of this, The National Porcine Association hired a major Madison Avenue advertising firm to boost sale of pork products. They decided on an intensive campaign to saturate magazines television and radio with ads urging people to eat pork patties.
The campaign was given an extra boost when Congress was convinced to designate the second of February as the day when every family would be urged to eat pork sausage. That day would be celebrated nationally, of course, as. .. Ground Hog Day.

Q. What`s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

A. Anyone can roast beef.

What is the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Eveybody can roast beef.

(Long)
It was the funniest damn thing that has ever happened to me. A couple of weeks ago we decided to cruise out to Ryan's Steakhouse for dinner. It was a Wednesday night, which means that macaroni and beef was on the hot bar, indeed the only night of the week that it is served. Wednesday night is also kid's night at Ryan's, complete with Dizzy the Clown wandering from table to table entertaining them. It may seem that the events about to be told have little connection to those two circumstances, but all will be clear in a moment.

We went through the line and placed our orders for the all-you-can-eat hot bar then sat down as far away from the front of the restaurant as possible in order to keep the density of kids down a bit. Then I started my move to the hot bar. Plate after plate of macaroni and beef were consumed that evening. I tell you-in all, four heaping plates of the pseudo-Italian ambrosia were shoved into my belly. I was sated. Perhaps a bit too much, more...

What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup?
Everyone can chop beef, but not everyone can pea soup!

Why don't aliens eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh
Two snowmen are standing in a field. One says to the other: "Funny, I smell carrots too".
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
el-if-i-no
Two peanuts walk into a bar.
One was a salted.
Why did the fish get kicked out of school?
Cause he was caught with seaweed.
The fight we had last night was my fault,
my wife asked me what was on the TV and i said dust.
Boys are like parking spaces the good ones are take-in!!!!
What did one ghost say to another?
Do you believe in people?

A man went into a deli shop and took a seat at the lunch counter. "Give me a corned beef sandwich," he ordered. "Corned beef sandwich is not on the menu, but I can give you a sandwich with corned beef in it, like our Midnight Special." "What's a Midnight Special?" "A triple decker with corned beef, tongue, bologna, tomato, lettuce, onion, pickle and mayonnaise, on toasted raisin bread." "Could you just place a piece of corned beef between two slices of white bread and serve it to me on a plate?" "Why, sure!" Then, turning to the sandwich man, he sang out: "One Midnight Special. Make it one deck, hold the tongue, bologna, tomato, lettuce, onion, pickle and mayonnaise, and make the raisin bread white, untoasted!"

When Ole quit farming, he discovered that he was the only Lutheran in his
new little town of all Catholics. That was okay, but the neighbors had a
problem with his barbecuing beef every Friday. Since they couldn't eat meat
on Friday, the tempting aroma was getting the best of them. Hoping they
could do something to stop this, the neighbors got together and went over
to talk to Ole. "Ole," they said, "since you are the only Lutheran in this
whole town and there's not a Lutheran church for many miles, we think you
should join our church and become a Catholic."
Ole thought about it for a minute and decided they were probably right.
Ole talked to the priest, and they arranged it. The big day came and the
priest had Ole kneel. He put his hand on Ole's head and said, "Ole, you
were born a Lutheran, you were raised a Lutheran, and now," he said as he
sprinkled some incense over Ole's head, "now you are a more...