Beef Jokes / Recent Jokes

An Irishman, a Mexican and an Alabama redneck were doing construction
work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating
lunch and the Irishman said, " Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef
and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump
off this building."
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I
get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."
The Alabama redneck opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again. If I
get a bologna sandwich one more time I'm jumping too."
Next day - The Irishman opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and
cabbage and jumps to his death. the Mexican opens his lunch, sees a
burrito and jumps too. The Alabama redneck opens his lunch, sees the
bologna and jumps to his death also.
At the funeral - The Irishman's wife is weeping. She says, "If I'd
known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I more...

wats the differnece between roast beef and pea soup?
you can roast beef, but u cant pee soup...

A man went into a deli shop and took a seat at the lunch counter. "Give me a corned beef sandwich," he ordered.
"Corned beef sandwich is not on the menu, but I can give you a sandwich with corned beef in it, like our Midnight Special."
"What's a Midnight Special?"
"A triple decker with corned beef, tongue, bologna, tomato, lettuce, onion, pickle and mayonnaise, on toasted raisin bread."
"Could you just place a piece of corned beef between two slices of white bread and serve it to me on a plate?"
"Why, sure!" Then, turning to the sandwich man, he sang out: "One Midnight Special. Make it one deck, hold the tongue, bologna, tomato, lettuce, onion, pickle and mayonnaise, and make the raisin bread white, untoasted!"

A gentile once wandered into a Jewish restaurant and ordered roast chicken.
The waiter said, "Take my advice and have the boiled beef today."
"No thank you. I want the roast chicken"
"Listen to me. The roast chicken is not for you. Have the boiled beef"
"What is this? Don't you suppose I know what I want? Bring me the roast chicken at once!" The diner was getting mad.
"I will not do that. I know better than you what you want."
"Look," said the diner striking the table a resounding blow, "get me the manager!"
The manager drawn by the noise, came bustling over. "What the hell is going on here?"
The waiter turned to him and said, "Listen. This guy didn't come here to eat. He came here to give me an arguement."
From "Asimov Laughs Again", an absolutely wonderful book full of jokes and anecdotes from the Good Doctor.

Great A Hot & Juicy Story Well, I was loafin' around the salad bar at the burger stand one chili day on Coney Island, when I Frito-Lay'd my eyes on the sweetest little tomato I'd ever seen. Let's just say I could tell she wasn't gonna be ice-cold or taste like some of those cheaper spreads I'd eaten. So I mustard up my courage and I whispered, "Hey, Mama Bird! You got a sweet set of sesame-seed buns, and I'd live to bury my open-face in your McMuffin snack pack. And maybe later I could drive-in my Jumbo Jack in your Box. So, what's your name, anyway?" "Wendy," she replied, and said that her buns were always hot and fresh. Well, it seemed like an invitation to me, so I unzipped my French-fly, pulled down my hash-browns and whipped out my Quarter-Pounder. She took one look at my foot-long Weinerschnitzel and said, "Holy enchirito, what a Whopper! I haven't seen a sausage and a pair of McNuggets like that since I was in the sack with Long John Silver over at the more...

A man went into a deli shop and took a seat at the lunch counter. "Give me a corned beef sandwich," he ordered."Corned beef sandwich is not on the menu, but I can give you a sandwich with corned beef in it, like our Midnight Special.""Whats a Midnight Special?""A triple decker with corned beef, tongue, bologna, tomato, lettuce, onion, pickle and mayonnaise, on toasted raisin bread.""Could you just place a piece of corned beef between two slices of white bread and serve it to me on a plate?""Why, sure!" Then, turning to the sandwich man, he sang out: "One Midnight Special. Make it one deck, hold the tongue, bologna, tomato, lettuce, onion, pickle and mayonnaise, and make the raisin bread white, untoasted!"

(He wants some jokes and anecdotes. - DJ )
True story:
I used to work for T.I. in Houston. Once a young programmer fellow
from the Bedford, England came to do some consulting. He was a nice
enough guy, but very stiff and proper. On his last day before returning
to G.B., I took him to lunch at a Luby's Cafeteria. While waiting
in line, I told him that before he left Texas, he simply must try
some mepyew.
He said, "What?"
I said, "Mepyew. It is very popular. Everyone here eats it with lunch.
Sort of a Texas tradition. The woman in the serving line will ask you
if you want some."
I give a sly wink or two to various prospective diners who
were overhearing the conversation and looking quizzical.
He agreed to order some mepyew.
We approached the first station where the lady was selling jello
deserts and chilled salads.
"Mepyew?" she asked.
"Yes please," he more...