Blair Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Geography of a Woman------------------------Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half discovered, half wild and naturally beautiful with bushland around the fertile deltas. Between the ages of 21 - 30 a woman is like America or Japan. Completely discovered, very well developed and open to trade especially with countries with cash or cars. Between the ages of 30 - 35, she is like India or Spain. Very hot, relaxed and convinced of its own beauty. Between the ages of 35 - 40 a woman is like France or Argentina. She may have been half destroyed during the war but can still be a warm and desirable place to visit. Between the ages of 40 - 50 she is like Yugoslavia or Iraq. She lost the war and is haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary. Between the ages of 50 - 60 she is like Russia or Canada. Very wide, quiet and the borders are practically unpatrolled but the frigid climate keeps people away. Between the ages of 60 - 70 a more...

The impossible wish.
Tony Blair was on holiday. He was walking along a beach one morning when he stumbled upon an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and a Genie appeared.
Tony asked if he got three wishes. The Genie said, "Nope, not these days. I`m only giving out one wish. So...what`ll it be?"
Tony didn`t hesitate. He said, "See this map? I want Israel and the Palestinians to stop fighting with each other and start loving each other instead."
The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Are you crazy??? These people have been at war for years! I`m good, but I`m not that good. I don`t think it can be done. So make another wish."
Tony thought for a minute and said, "You know, for some minor reason, a lot of people are beginning not to trust me. It would be terrific if you would make everyone trust me more. That`s my wish."
The Genie thought for a minute and said, "Hmmmmm. Let me see that map again..."

During his visit to Washington, Blair was intrigued by a new telephone that Bush had installed in the oval office, when asking about it Bush said it was a direct line to hell. Blair spoke briefly with the devil, and the call cost him 27 cents. When he came back home, he found out that this same service was now available in GB also. He tried it again and received a bill for

G. W. Bush was very depressed that people were saying he is stupid. So he calls his good friend Queen Elizabeth, who says, "Now George, what you need to do is to surround yourself with smart people. Let me show you."
She conference calls Tony Blair in and asks, "Tony, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?"
Tony Blair replies, "It's me!" and hangs up.
G.W. Bush then calls Dick Cheney and says, "Dick, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?"
And Cheney says, "Wow, that's a tough one. Let me get back to you."
So Cheney calls Colin Powell and says, "Colin, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?"
And Colin Powell says, "It's me!"
So Cheney calls Bush and says, "It's Colin Powell."
And Bush says, "No, you idiot! It's Tony Blair!"

While visiting England, George W. Bush is invited to tea with the
Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it
is to surround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she knows
if they're intelligent.
"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow
me to demonstrate."
She phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister. Please answer
this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child,
and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"
Tony Blair responds, "It's me, ma'am."
"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up
and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"
"Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"
Upon returning to Washington, he decides he'd better put the Chairman
of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. He summons
Jesse Helms more...

George W Bush and Tony Blair are in a meeting at the white house, Georges wife walks in and asks what are they doing, they tell her they are making plans for world war 3, so she asks what are the plans, to which Bush says "were going to kill 14 million muslims and 1 dentist."
"Why the 1 dentist?" she asks. Bush pats Blair on the back and says "Told you no one would ask about the muslims"

THE BRITISH CONSPIRACY THEORY Just for the sake of argument, hear me out.
I have a theory. Tell me what you think of it:
Diana is alive.
The entire thing was a hoax. The World's Most Photographed Person finally
got them off her back. It took a lot of money and a great deal of
persuasion but Diana and Al-Fayed could easily have supplied both. Check
these facts out:
1. Nobody has seen any images of Diana's corpse.
2. The' eye-witnesses' who claimed to have seen the crash could very well
have been paid to say what they did.
3. The initial' suspects' were the paparazzi. If they were made to seem
responsible for the' accident' then the world would revile them and no-one
would be indecent enough to buy and publish the pictures thus assuring
that no documentary proof of the crash ever gets seen. And even if there
were pictures of Diana in a wrecked Merc they could easily have been
fabricated beforehand, what with more...