Bonding Jokes

Women are empathic, men are pathetic. We haven't got a clue as to empathizing with another human being.
Male bonding consists of hitting each other on the shoulder, swearing a lot, and talking about the latest football game (Go Bears!!!) while consuming huge amounts of beer.
Female bonding is another thing all together. It consists of expressing emotions from despair to bliss, talking of inner feelings and personal relationships, and, of course, how clueless we men are.
Example from my marriage: Shorty after our Honeymoon, my bride stepped between me and the television, and said "We have to talk." Being new to the married thing, and not knowing the ramifications of a "we have to talk" talk, I immediately turned the TV off (the Bears were winning big anyway, and I was out of beer), and said "Whatever is bothering you is bothering me. Tell me about it."
This was, I thought, just the kind of careing, loving statement a good husband should more...

The reason why our bras don't always match our underwear is because WE actually change our underwear.
The next time you and your buddies joke about armed women in combat, take a poll to see which of you successfully aim at the toilet rim.
If we're watching football with you - it's not bonding - it's the butts.
If the truth hurts, ask us those ego-sensitive questions on your payday.
Whenever possible, please try to say whatever you have to say after the movie.
Don't fret if you find out that the milkman delivers more than once a day.
Please don't drive when you're not driving.
Lay off the beans several hours before bedtime.
Our bedtime headaches are inversely proportional to the number of baths you take.
If you were really looking for an honest answer, you wouldn't ask in bed.
The next time you joke about female drivers, research the number of accidents caused by rubber-necking mini-skirts.
If only women gossip, how do you and your friends more...