Boots Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day the sheriff sees Billy Bob walking around town with nothing on except his boots. The sheriff asks, "Billy Bob, what the hell are you doing walking around town dressed like that?"

Billy Bob replies, "Well Sheriff, me and Mary Lou was down on the farm and we started a-cuddlin'. Mary Lou said we should go in the barn and we did. Inside the barn we started a-kissing and a-cuddlin' and things got pretty hot and heavy. Well then Mary Lou took off all her clothes and said that I should do the same."

"Well, I took off all my clothes except my boots. Then Mary Lou lay herself on the hay and said' Okay Billy Bob, let's go to town!'"

"I guess I'm the first one here."

One day this blonde came into the hunting store. She asked the clerk, “What’s the lowest price on the crocodile boots? ”
The clerk responded, “Our best price is $200, if you want a pair any cheaper than that there is a lake down the road, maybe you can get a pair yourself down there. ”
So the blonde says, “Well O. K! I’ll go down to the lake. ”
About 5 hours later the clerk is walking by the lake on his way home. He sees the blonde grabbing crocodiles out of the lake and then throwing them back in.
Amassed at this he walks closer? eventually coming close enough to hear her saying, “Damn it! No boots on this one either! ”

Anyone remember Roy Clark, host of TV's "Hee Haw"?
Once, cohost Buck Owens was visiting Roy's home in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains. Roy was upset because he had just bought a beautiful new pair of genuine leather boots that were completely destroyed by a mountain lion the night before when Roy had left them on the back porch.
Roy was bound and determined to get the animal, so he and Buck, and several townspeople, took up arms and searched the hills. The group searched for hours to no avail. Then suddenly, Buck heard a feline wail.
Buck turns to his friend and sings:
"Pardon me Roy, is that the cat that chewed your new shoes?"

Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this one!
Did you hear about the Texas Teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots? He asked for help and she could see why.
Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. Finally, when the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat.
She almost cried when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet."
She looked and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on - this time on the right feet.
He then announced, "These aren't my boots."
She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to. And, once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet. No sooner they got the boots off and he more...

My 2-year-old son asked our baby sitter for help in getting his boots on.He asked for help and she could see why. With her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn't want to go on. When the second boot was on, she had already worked up a sweat.She almost whimpered when my son said, "Wrong feet!"She looked and sure enough, they were on the wrong feet. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on -- this time on the right feet.He then announced, "These aren't my boots."She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to. Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off.He then said, "They're my cousin's boots. My Mom made me wear them."She didn't know if she should laugh or cry. She mustered up the grace to wrestle the boots on his feet again.She said, "Now, more...

It was the usual muddy day in the country. Our first grade teacher, Miss Brown, had just finished putting the 36th boot on the 18th pair of little feet and was anxious to finish the last pair so she could go to lunch.

The last pair of boots was for little Johnny Smith, a quiet boy. Miss Brown had a very difficult time getting his boots on as they were a bit too small for his growing feet, but she finally won the battle.

To her dismay, little Johnny looked blandly up into her face and announced, "Teacher, these boots aren't mine." In a hurry, but wanting to be kind, Miss Brown groaned, but with grim gentleness removed the boots and straightened her aching back.

Whereupon Johnny continued, "They're my little brother's, but Mommy said I could wear them to school today."

Sam and Bessie are senior citizens, and Sam has always wanted an expensive pair of alligator cowboy boots. Seeing them on sale one day, he buys a pair and wears them home, asking Bessie, "So, do you notice anything different about me?"
"What's different? It's the same shirt you wore yesterday and the same pants."
"What's different?" Frustrated, Sam goes into the bathroom, undresses and comes out completely naked, wearing only his new boots. Again he says, "Bessie, do you notice anything different?"
"What's different, Sam? It's hanging down today; it was hanging down yesterday and will be hanging down again tomorrow."
Angrily, Sam yells, "Do you know why it's hanging down?' Cause it's looking at my new boots!!"
Bessie replies, "You shoulda bought a hat!"