Botanist Jokes

1. What do you call a plant that is vericose and eats insects?
A venous fly trap.
2. What type of drawings do botanists enter in?
Raffle-esias.
3. If Johnathan Swift was a botanist what would his smallest characters be?
The Lilly-putians.
4. What is a Sesame Street botany toy?
UTRICLE me Elmo.
5. How do florists stay dry in a rain storm?
With an Umbel-la.
6. What is a contagious desease common among agriculturists?
TUBERCLE-osis.
7. The tree got married. It wanted to show off its ring.
8. What does a botanist sleep on?
A monocot.
9. An arborist can count to Tree.
10. Who stole from the plant?
Robberulose Biphosphate.
11. What keeps a botanist going?
Tomentum.
12. What is an herbologists favorite soup?
Tomentum soup.
13. Why is the body of a plant so vulgar?
It is a thallic symbol.
14. Why was the botanist crying?
She had THYRSE in her eyes (what can I say it was more...

1. Why are mosses so grouchy when they all lie on the same plane?
I guess they just like to Complanate.
2. How do botanists send mail?
Through the compost office.
3. Why did the plant eat meat?
It was coniferous.
4. How do relatives of weasels pollinate a plant?
They make it Ferretile.
5. The botanist was eaten by a cul-lion.
6. What do botanists run up to get excercise?
Hilum.
7. Which botanist is a Senator?
Senator Hilum Clinton.
8. Is a botanist from down South a Hilum Billy??
9. What part of a flower is in a car?
A Calyx converter.
10. What does a botanist studying jagged margins shoot from her bow?
Erose.

1. What do you call the study of polyps?
Wart-iculture.
2. What did the tropical weather say when it made a mistake?
I am only Humid.
3. How does corn speak?
With a husky voice (and it is al ears)
4. What rank in the army is corn?
A Kernal.
5. Which yellow plant flew too close to the sun?
ICTERUS.
6. What do you call an undressed fruit?
INDEHISCENT
7. What do you call something done accidently by a rolled plant leaf?
Involutary.
8. Why is bach's concerto like a plant?
Both are organic.
9. What is the advice of tucan Sam to a botanist?
Follow your node.
10. What does a botanists do when he/she finds a new orchid?
Labellum.
11. What is a D&D villain oft encountered by a botanist?
An Orc-id.
12. The botanist was broke, so she took out a lawn, or was it a loam.
13. The corn followed you, you have been stalked.
14. What do you call it if you lick a more...

1. How does a botanist clean his/her self?
With a brush.
2. Why was the botanist so wise?
He was very sage.
3. Which police show do agriculturists watch?
CROPS.
4. Do Botanists support stem cell research??
5. Do botanists have all the anthers??
6. The plant had his car stolon.
7. What was the greenhorn botanist sent on?
A stipe hunt.
8. How was the botanist paid?
With a stipe-nd.
9. What does a botanist call beurocratic red tape?
STIPULE-ations.
10. Who is a plants favorite action movie star?
Silvester Stolon.

A logger is driving down the highway and sees two botanists trying to measure the height of a small pine tree. Their tape measure is not long enough so one botanist stands on the shoulders of the other and attempts to extend the tape to the tree top but it is not long enough. While trying, he falls to the ground. They attempt this about five times and each time the top botanist falls. The logger is laughing but feels sorry for the pair, gets out of his truck, takes out an electric saw and cuts down the tree. The botanists are looking at him like he is crazy. He then takes a tape measure and measures the tree. "OK guys, the tree is 14' 6." He then gets in his truck and drives away. The two botanists are stunned and speechless. Finally one says to the other, "How do you like that, we are trying to measure the height of the tree and that stupid jerk measures the width."