Breath Jokes / Recent Jokes
1. Disregard all nonessential numbers. These include age, weight and height.
(Drink lots of beer)
2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. If you really need a grouch, there are probably family members that fill that need.
3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever Just never let the brain idle.
(Drink lots of beer)
4. Enjoy the simple things. Remember - when you were young, that's all you could afford. When you were in college, that's all that you could afford. When you are on retirement, that is all that you can afford!
5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. Laugh so much that you can be tracked anywhere by your distinctive laughter.
(Drink lots of beer)
6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life is ourselves.
7. Surround yourself with what you love, more...
How Cold Is Cold?
60 Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one)
50 Miami residents turn on the heat
40 You can see your breath, Californians shiver uncontrollably, Minnesotans go swimming
35 Italian cars don't start
32 Water freezes
30 You plan your vacation to Australia
25 Boston water freezes, Californians weep pitiably, Minnesotans eat ice cream, Canadians go swimming
20 Politicians begin to talk about the homeless, New York City water freezes, Miami residents plan vacation further South
15 French cars don't start, Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you
10 You need jumper cables to get the car going
5 American cars don't start
0 Alaskans put on T-shirts
-10 German cars don't start, Eyes freeze shut when you blink
-15 You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo, Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects, Miami more...
Temperatures and What They Mean 40 Californians shiver uncontrollably, Minnesotans go swimming. 35 Italian cars don't start. 32 Water freezes. 30 You can see your breath. Politicians begin to worry about the Homeless. 25 Boston water freezes. Cat insists on sleeping on your bed with you. 20 Californians weep pitiably, Minnesotans eat ice cream. You can hear your breath. 15 N. Y. City water freezes. Politicians begin to talk aobut the homeless. 12 You plan a vacation to Mexico. 10 Too cold to snow 5 You need jumper cables to get the car going. Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you. 3 You plan a vacation in Houston. 0 Too cold to skate. American cars don't start. -5 You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo. -10 Too cold to think. Politicians actually do something about the homeless. -15 Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you. You need jumper cables to get the driver going. -20 You plan a 2-week hot bath. -25 The mighty Monongahela freezes. Japanese cars more...
A blonde goes into the beauty and hair parlor with her walkman on her head." I need to take that walkman off your head," says the beauty specialist as she notices the blonde." You can't! I'll die!" retorts the blonde." I can't cut your hair with the walkman on your ears!" says the beauty specialist getting annoyed." I said you can't take it off, or I'll die!"The beauty specialist, outraged and flustered, grabs the walkman and throws it off the head of the blonde. Within seconds, the blonde dies. When the specialist picks up the walkman to listen, she hears it repeating "breath in, breath out, breath in".
How do vampires keep their breath smelling nice? They use extractor fangs.