Breath Jokes / Recent Jokes

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other. The groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice. "Father," he said, "I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage."

His father replied, "Don't you love this girl?"

"Oh yes, very much," he said, "but you see, I have very smelly feet and I'm afraid that my fiance will be put off by them."

"No problem," said dad, "all you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible and always wear socks, even to bed." Well, to him this seemed a workable solution.

The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem up with her mom." Mom," she said, "When I wake up in the morning, my breath is truly awful."

"Honey," her mother consoled, more...

One of the Council of the Twelve runs breathlessly into the Presidents'
office one day. The President looks up and says, "Brother, what is so
important that you ran all the way here, losing your breath?"
The Council member finally regains his breath, and says, "The Savior is
in the lobby!"
The President immediate starts for the door, saying, "It has come! The
prophecies are fulfilled! We are all about to be uplifted!"
The Council member says, "Wait! You didn't let me finish! She's
black, and SHE IS PISSED!"

The following are all quotes from an 11 year old's science exams:
1) When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire.
2) H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.
3) To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test
tube.
4) When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
5) Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free
state.
6) Water is composed of 2 gins, Oxygin & Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure
gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
7) Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillers.
8) Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
9) Respiration is composed of 2 acts, first inspiration, and then
expectoration.
10) The moon is a planet just like earth, only it is even deader.
11) Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow
instead
of the bull.
12) Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them more...

In honor of National Pet Dental Health Month in February, a Kansas company has launched a 24-hour "Doggy Breath Hot line" that lets callers anonymously report the names and addresses of dogs with bad breath.

The sponsor of the hot line, Hill's Pet Nutrition, will then mail a packet of information on possible cures to the offending pooch. No word yet on a hot line to report lint balls with bad breath.

There were three Eskimos in Alaska, and one time while they were at their local bar, they got to talking about how cold it was outside, and how cold their igloos were. They could agree on everything but whose igloo was the coldest, so they decided to determine who, indeed, had the coldest igloo.
They went to the first Eskimo's igloo, where he said "Watch this!" and poured a cup of water into the air. Well, the water froze in mid-air and fell onto the floor solid. "Not bad" said the other Eskimos, but each maintained their igloo was colder still.
So they went to the second Eskimo's igloo, and he said "Watch this!" and took a big breath and exhaled, whereupon his breath froze into a big lump and fell to the floor.
"Wow, that's colder than mine!"said the first Eskimo.
But the third Eskimo exclaimed his was colder still. So they ended up at the third Eskimo's igloo. He said "Watch this!" and went into the bedroom, threw more...

You're breath's so stinky I don't know whether I should give you a breath mint or toilepaper!

A Chinese man arranges for a hooker to come to his room for the evening.
Once in the room they undress, climb into bed, and have at it. When
finished, the Chinese man jumps up, runs over to the window, takes a deep
breath, dives under the bed, climbs out the other side, jumps back into bed
with the hooker and commences a repeat performance.
The hooker is impressed with the gusto of the second encounter. When
finished, the Chinese man jumps up, runs over to the window, takes a deep
breath, dives under the bed, climbs out the other side, jumps back into bed
with the hooker and starts again. The hooker is amazed as this sequence is
repeated four times.
During the fifth encore, she decides to try it herself. So when they are
done she jumps up, goes to the window and takes a deep breath of fresh air,
dives under the bed,... and finds four Chinese men.