Bumper Jokes / Recent Jokes

At last. A bumper sticker for both parties. FINALLY,
Someone has come out with a 100% bipartisan political bumper sticker. This hot selling bumper sticker comes from the great state of New York!
"RUN HILLARY RUN"
Democrats put it on the rear bumper.
Republicans put it on the front bumper.

You!!! Out of the gene pool!!!
LICENSE TO STEAL
Two Kentucky men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off the truck. They panicked and fled, leaving the chain still attached to the machine, their bumper still attached to the chain, and their license plate still attached to the bumper.
IN THE BAG
A "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, stood in line at the customs counter. While making idle chatter, the customs official thought it odd that the golfer didn't know what a handicap was. The officer then asked the tourist to demonstrate his swing. He did - backwards. A substantial amount of narcotics was found in the golf bag.
MADE FOR TV
Guns For Hire, an Arizona company specializing in staged gunfights for Western movies, got a call from a 47-year-old woman who wanted to have her husband shot. more...

Bumper stickers seen this weekend. .... You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me. I have the body of a god........ Buddha. This would be really funny if it weren't happening to me. Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult. The face is familiar but i can't quite remember my name. Illiterate? Write for help. Honk if anything falls off. He who hesitates is not only lost but miles from the next exit. This isn't my idea of a good time. It's been lovely, but I have to scream now. Uniquely maladjusted, but fun. This bumper sticker exploits illiterates. I haven't lost my mind it's backed up on disk somewhere. Oh, evolve! Gone crazy be back shortly. If you're not outraged you're not paying attention.

Dear Gladys,
As I was browsing through a local Christian bookstore, I spotted a "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day since I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I purchased the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy, am I glad I did! What an uplifting experience followed!
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is... and I failed to notice that the light had changed. It's a good thing that someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I never would have noticed. I found that there are a LOT of people who love Jesus.
While I was sitting there, the guy behind me started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of GOD! GO! GO! Jesus Christ, GO!"
What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Suddenly, everyone started honking! I just leaned more...

Bumper Stickers Seen on Cars Around Washington D.C.:

If His Private Life Doesn't Matter,
Let Him Date Your Daughter

Does Character Matter Yet?

My President Fooled Around
With Your Honor Student

Kids No Longer Play Doctor,
They Play President

Honk If You Had Sex
with the President

Clinton: We Forgive You...
Now Resign!

Bill Clinton:
Commander in Heat

The Clinton Creed:
Take Credit Not Responsibility

Save the President:
Legalize Perjury

Three Terms for Clinton:
The Third in Jail

Jail to the Chief

These are actual bumper stickers that were found on people's cars:
The proctologist called; they found your head.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke off.
Guys; just because you have one,
doesn't mean you have to be one.
If you can read this, I can
slam on my brakes and sue you.
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
Don't like my driving?
Then quit watching me.
Save your breath. You'll need it to blow up your date.
Some people just don't know how to drive.
I call these people "Everybody But Me,"
Try not to let your mind wander, it's too small, it'll get lost.
Welcome to America! Now, learn to speak English.

Southern Bumper Stickers...
=> The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette. => I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it. => Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them. => I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. => WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship. => You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me. => BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore. => I got a gun for my wife, best trade I ever made. => So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute! => I'm just driving this way to piss you off. => Keep honking, I'm reloading. => As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools. => I took an IQ test and the results were negative. => Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. => Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes