Cake Jokes / Recent Jokes

What do freezing rain and cake icing have in common? Both are a glaze

Mr. & Mrs. Smith have been back from their honeymoon for two weeks when Mr. Smith comes home from work and says that he has invited four of his friends from the office home for dinner on Friday night. The wife is a bit apprehensive and asks if she must cook a meal for the four. The husband explains that there will be eight coming because each will bring his wife.
Since this is there first party, the husband consoles her by saying that all she has to do is get some Chinese food in and perhaps she can bake a cake.
This sounds like a good idea, and they sit down and decide what Chinese food to get.
Friday morning wife calls the office in tears. She explains that the only cake recipe she has will only feed six.
Hubby says, "Why don't you just double the recipe?" She decides that is a good idea.
At four, hubby gets another phone call - this time quite frantic.
"I just can't do it," wifey weeps. "It's impossible."
"Now, now, more...

For his wife's birthday party, a doctor ordered a cake with this inscription:"You are not getting older, You are just getting better." When asked how he wanted it arranged, he said, "Just put' You are not getting older' at the top, and' You are just getting better' at the bottom." It wasn't until the good doctor was ready to servethe cake that he discovered it read:"YOU ARE NOT GETTING OLDER AT THE TOP, YOU ARE JUST GETTING BETTER AT THE BOTTOM."

"Why's Reagan trying to blow out the chandelier?"
"Happy Birthday to...wait stop. He's wandered off again!"
"...And now president Reagan will use his Playskool phone to call and wish himself a Happy Birthday"
"Mommy make me cake! Cake good"
"More coffee, Quayle!"
"Hey, someone spiked the punch with Grecian Formula"
"Excuse me, I've got to exercise the old 'Trickle-Down Theory', if you know what I mean"
"Quick, hide the cake! Rush Limbaugh's here!"
"Wow, a Beavis and Butthead T-Shirt!"
"Am I still President?"

Three New Jersey siblingswhose names have Nazi connotations have been placed in state custody. The children, ranging in age from 3 to under 1, wereremoved from their parents home on Friday. They drew attention when a bakery refused to put the name of the oldest - Adolf Hitler Campbell - on a birthday cake.
Depsite not having the cake, the birthday party was a tremendous success, with the kids enjoying "SS" cupcakes, pizza with swastika-shaped pepperoni, and playing many rounds of "Duck, Duck, Gestapo."

You’ll need the following: a cup of water, a cup of sugar, four large eggs, two cups of dried fruit, a teaspoon of baking soda, a teaspoon of salt, a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice, nuts, and a bottle of whisky.
Sample the whisky to check for quality.
Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.
Make sure the whisky is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whisky. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.
Grease more...

How to Shower Like a Woman

1. Take off fourteen layers of clothing you put on this morning.

2. Walk to bathroom wearing robe and towel on head. If you happen to see husband along the way, ignore juvenile "turban-head" jokes and run to bathroom.

3. Look at womanly physique in mirror and stick out stomach so as to complain about how fat you're getting.

4. Turn on hot water only.

5. Get in the shower, once you've found it through all the steam.

6. Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.

7. Wash hair once with cucumber and lemon shampoo with 83 added vitamins.

8. Rinse hair. Condition your hair with cucumber and lemon conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.

9. Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red and raw.

10. Try to wash entire rest of body with Ginger more...