California Jokes / Recent Jokes

L.A. Mayor Villaraigosa apologized to Muslim leaders who accused him of taking Israel's side in the war in Lebanon. "Folks, it behooves us all to remember that terrorists have feelings, too."

A lady from California purchased a piece of timber land in Oregon. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to get a good view of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the lady slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her private parts. In considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest doctor. He listened to her story then told her to go into the examining room and he would see if he could help her.She sat and waited for three hours before the doctor reappeared. The angry lady demanded " What took you so long?" and he replied "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area."

So as not to be outdone by all the redneck, hillbilly, and Texan jokes, you know you're from California if:
1. Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.
2. You make over $400,000 and still can't afford a house.
3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.
4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Flower.
5. You can't remember... is pot illegal?
6. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.
7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.
8. You can't remember... is pot illegal?
9. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.
10. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.
11. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney really IS more...

GeekonicsBy John WoestendiekPhiladelphia InquirerWed., January 8, 1997NEWS BULLETIN: Saying it will improve the education of children who have grown up immersed in computer lingo, the school board in San Jose, Calif., has officially designated computer English, or "Geekonics", as a second language.The historic vote on Geekonics - a combination of the word "geek" and the word "phonics" - came just weeks after the Oakland school board recognized black English, or Ebonics, as a distinct language."This entirely reconfigures our parameters," Milton "Floppy" Macintosh, chairman of Geekonics Unlimited, said after the school board became the first in the nation to recognize Geekonics."No longer are we preformatted for failure," Macintosh said during a celebration that saw many Geekonics backers come dangerously close to smiling. "Today, we are rebooting, implementing a program to process the data we need to interface with all more...

Why did firefighters have greater difficulty extinguishing the wild fires in California than they did the ones in Greece?

Everyone knows Greece fires are the worst.

Three guys are sitting at a bar: One from Hawaii, one from California, and one from New York. The guy from Hawaii says, "Where I come from people are so nice that after you've had two drinks at the bar the guy next to you will buy you your third."

The guy from California thinks about this for a second and says, "Well that's nothing where I come from, after you've had one drink the guy next to you will by you your second."

The man from New York thinks about this and then replies, "Yeah well, where I come from you sit down at the bar and the guy next to you buys you your first, second, third and fourth drink, takes you around the town in their Mustang, and then take you home and lay you till next Sunday!"

The two men look at him amazed as the man takes a sip of his beer and then says, "Well at least that's what my sister tells me!"

Adam

Los Angeles Clipper Blake Griffin expects to be healthy by late April...just in time to help the rest of his teammates clean out their lockers.