Cannibal Jokes / Recent Jokes
At the site, one lone survivor sat with his back against a tree, chewing on a bone. As he tossed the bone onto a huge pile of there bones, he noticed the rescue team. "Thank God", he cried out in relief. "I am saved!" The rescue team did not move, as they were in shock, seeing the pile of human bones beside this lone survivor. Obviously he had eaten his comrades. The survivor saw the horror in their faces and hung his own head in shame. "You can't judge me for this," he insisted. "I had to survive. Is it so wrong to want to live?" The leader of the rescue team stepped forward, shaking his head in disbelief. "I won't judge you for doing what was necessary to survive, but my God man, your plane only went down yesterday!"
Two cannibals meet one day. The first cannibal says, "You know, I just can't seem to get a tender Missionary. I've baked them, I've roasted them, I've stewed them, I've barbecued them, I've tried every sort of marinade. I just cannot seem to get them tender." The second cannibal asks, "What kind of Missionary do you use?" The other replied, "You know, the ones that hang out at that place at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks with a rope around the waist and they're sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their heads." "Ah, ha!" the second cannibal replies. "No wonder. .. those are friars!"
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?" When do cannibals leave the table? When everyone's eaten. What is a cannibal's favorite type of TV show? A celebrity roast. What do cannibals eat for dessert? Chocolate covered aunts. What did the cannibal get when he was late for dinner? The cold shoulder. What is a cannibal's favorite game? Swallow the leader. Have you heard about the cannibal restaurant? Dinner costs an arm and a leg. Did you hear about the cannibal who loved fast food? He ordered a pizza with everybody on it. Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school for buttering up his teacher? Cannibal: One who loves his fellow man with gravy. Cannibal's recipe book: How to Serve Your Fellow Man.
An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a blood thirsty group of cannibals. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself, "Oh God, I'm screwed." There is a ray of light from the sky above and a voice booms out: "No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you." So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the life out of the chief. He stands above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and surrounded by 100 cannibals with a look of shock on their faces. The voice booms out again: "Okay. . . . NOW you're screwed."
Why wont cannibals eat Frank Sinatra? Because hes always coming back!
Cannibals capture three men. The men are told that they will be skinned and eaten and then their skin will be used to make canoes. Then they are each given a final request. The first man asks to be killed as quickly and painlessly as possible. His request is granted, and they poison him. The second man asks for paper and a pen so that he can write a farewell letter to his family. This request is granted, and after he writes his letter, they kill him saving his skin for their canoes. Now it is the third man's turn. He asks for a fork. The cannibals are confused, but it is his final request, so they give him a fork. As soon as he has the fork he begins stabbing himself all over and shouts, "To hell with your canoes!"
A cannibal entered the meat market to buy something nice for dinner. The owner greeted him and told him to look around. The cannibal began to inspect the meat case and noticed the market specialized in brain.
Upon further inspection he noticed a marked disparity between the costs of brain meats. A carpenter's brain sells for $1.50 per pound. A plumber's brain sells for $2.25 per pound. He noticed with alarm that a politician's brain sells for $375.00 a pound. With not a little curiosity he asked the owner why the huge difference in price between the similar meats.
The owner responded with a deadpan look on his face, "Do you realize how many politicians it takes to get a pound of brains?"