Caption Jokes

An artist was commissioned to do a mural to be placed in the Museum of the site of the "Battle of the Big Horn." He was asked to do an oil painting depicting what Gen. George A. Custer's last thoughts could have been just prior to his death on the battlefield.
At the mural's unveiling, dignitaries from all over the country attended. All in attendance were shocked when the mural was unveiled. There was a painting showing General Custer in deep thought, with two caption clouds over his head. Inside one of the clouds was painted a pile of manure with a "halo" over it. Inside the other caption cloud were multitudes of naked Indians making love.
The Governor of Montana, who was acting as the Master of Ceremonies, called the artist to the microphone so he could explain what all this meant. The artist said, "Well, there's General Custer and he's thinking - holy shit, where did all these fuckin' Indians come from?"

T-shirt sighting - worn by woman, caption situated exactly over her left breast - "I'm a fermata - hold me."

A survey has found that about 90% of all Hallmark greeting cards are purchased by women. In order to attract more males to buy and exchange greeting cards, the following are some greeting card suggestions created to attract more male buyers: Cover picture: Dim, misty, moody picture of a vase of roses. Cover caption: Condolances Inside caption:. .. on the loss of your remote control. Cover picture: Nostalgic picture of a young couple strolling through a field holding hands. Cover caption: Darling, as we go into our 10th year together... Inside caption: I swear I'll leave my wife soon! Cover picture: Gold-leafed picture of a vase of red roses. Cover caption: Get well soon, darling! Inside caption: This house doesn't clean itself! Cover picture: Two men standing on lush golf course, one of them ready to putt. Cover caption: To my golf partner... Inside caption: Just to let you know, I'm sleeping with my secretary. Cover picture: Dark moody picture of a vase of roses. Cover caption: In more...

Caption Contest:

If this scene went Gilbert & Sullivan:
Starts with palsied kid singing:
"I'm a palsied kid at a table
trying to eat a turkey
But really I'm unable
Right here in Albuquerque
For my hands are so unstable
and my mind's a little murkey
Too bad it's not beef jerky"
The Chorus:
"Too bad it's not beef jerky
too bad it's not beef jerky
He's from Albuquerque
In New Mex-i-co, New Mex-i-co
trying to eat a turkey
But he's just too herky-jerky
Yes, he cannot eat a turkey
'cause he's just too herky-jerky"
And then, as with all good Gilbert & Sullivan, the bananas in the background start dancing and singing:
"We're a bunch of bananas from Paraguay
They said "Come to America" we said "No way!"
But here we are and we must say
You better eat us now or we turning black
And once we do, we never get out credit back
You better eat us now or more...

Old Mr Cohen brings his son into the business, Cohen's Nails, in the hopes that one day his son will take over. As time passes Mr Cohen starts getting more and more worried, no matter what department the son is put into he cannot get anything right and is continuously mucking everything up.
After talking to some of his friends and business partners Mr Cohen decides that maybe the reason his son is doing so badly is because he is supervising him too closely so he decides to give him a task to do where the son is in charge. The task is handle the new advertising campaign.
The son is delighted and starts working really hard. The father is delighted also as it looks like the idea will work. Time passes and the son comes to Mr Cohen and takes him out to see the new billboard. It is in a fantastic position, on the highway, thousands of cars passing it daily, but Cohen almost has a heart attack when he sees it. There is a picture of Jesus hanging on the cross, with the caption more...