Carpenter Jokes / Recent Jokes
St. Peter is questioning three married couples to see if they qualify for admittance to heaven."Why do you deserve to pass the Pearly Gates?" he asks one of the men, who had been a butler."I was a good father," he answers."Yes, but you were a drunk all your life. In fact, you were so bad you even married a woman named Sherry. No admittance."St. Peter then turned to the next man, a carpenter, and asked him the same question.The carpenter replied that he had worked hard and taken good care of his family.But St. Peter also rejected him, pointing out that he had been an impossible glutton, so much so that he married a woman named BonBon.At this point the third man, who had been a lawyer, stood up and said, "Come on, Penny, let? s get out of here."
Natha Singh and Prem Singh, two carpenter friends, were doing a job in a gallery to be set up for an exhibition of paintings by Satish Gujral.
Now during the lunch break, these two carpenters had a couple of drinks. When they resumed work, one of them got hold of a nail, climbed the stool and placing the head of the nail on the wall started hammering on the pointed side of the nail. Realising that the nail was not going in, he had a close look. He still held the nail with its head resting on the wall. He pondered for a while and then called out to his companion, "Oh, Natha Singha, come and see. The person who has manufactured this nail is a fool. He has made this nail upside down."
Natha Singh came and saw Prem Singh holding the nail with its head against the wall. He exclaimed, "It is you who are a fool. This nail is meant for the wall on the opposite side." He caught hold of the nail in the position it was in, took it to the other wall and hammered it more...
Big Bad Wolf:
The big bad wolf said to Little Red Riding Hood, "unbutton your blouse and let me suck your tits." "Fuck off," she replied as she tugged down her panties. "Eat me, like the fuckin' book says."
Pinocchio:
Pinocchio was fed up with the recent complaints from his wife. "Every time we make love, I get splinters."
So Pinocchio went back to his maker, Gepetto the Carpenter, for advice. "Sandpaper," said the carpenter, "that's what you need." Pinocchio took the sandpaper home. A few weeks later, the carpenter bumped into Pinocchio again.
"How are you getting along with the girls now?" "Who needs girls?" replied Pinocchio.
Cinderella:
Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two more...
St. Peter is questioning three married couples to see if they qualify for admittance to heaven. "Why do you deserve to pass the Pearly Gates?" he asks one of the men, who had been a butler. "I was a good father," he answers. "Yes, but you were a drunk all your life. In fact, you were so bad you even married a woman named Sherry. No admittance." St. Peter then turned to the next man, a carpenter, and asked him the same question. The carpenter replied that he had worked hard and taken good care of his family. But St. Peter also rejected him, pointing out that he had been an impossible glutton, so much so that he married a woman named BonBon. At this point the third man, who had been a lawyer, stood up and said, "Come on, Penny, let's get out of here."
This Italian carpenter goes to a lumberyard, He asks do you have 2x4s. The man says yes we do, How long do you need them? The man says let me ask my boss.The carpenter comes back and says we need them for a long time . We are building a house.
One day Jesus was out for a walk, strolling near the walls surrounding heaven, when he heard an old man's voice call from the other side.
"Hello? Hello?"
Jesus replied, "Who is it?"
"Just a poor, old carpenter searching for his son," the old man replied.
Jesus' heart leapt with joy and he called out, "Joseph?"
The voice answered back, "Pinocchio?"