Casino Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man walks along a lonely beach. Suddenly he hears a deep voice: DIG! He looks around: nobody's there. I am having hallucinations, he thinks. Then he hears the voice again: I SAID, DIG! So he starts to dig in the sand with his bare hands, and after some inches, he finds a small chest with a rusty lock. The deep voice says: OPEN! Ok, the man thinks, let's open the thing. He finds a rock with which to destroy the lock, and when the chest is finally open, he sees a lot of gold coins. The deep voice says: TO THE CASINO! Well the casino is only a few miles away, so the man takes the chest and walks to the casino. The deep voice says: ROULETTE! So he changes all the gold into a huge pile of roulette tokens and goes to one of the tables, where the players gaze at him with disbelief. The deep voice says: 27! He takes the whole pile and drops it at the 27. The table nearly bursts. Everybody is quiet when the croupier throws the ball. The ball stops at the 26. The deep voice says: SHIT!
The Stardust Casino came crashing down at 2:33 AM yesterday, just three hours before the rest of Las Vegas.
A successful businessman flew to Las Vegas for a weekend of gambling. Unfortunately, he lost the shirt off his back and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his roundtrip ticket. If he could just get to the airport, he could get himself home. So, he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting.
He got in and explained his situation to the driver. He promised to send the cabbie money from home, offered him his credit card numbers, his driver's license number, his address, etc. but to no avail. "If you don't have fifteen bucks, get the hell out of my cab," the cabbie yelled.
So, the businessman was forced to hitchhike to the airport and arrived with barely enough time to catch his flight.
A year later, after having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, the businessman returned to Vegas and won big this time. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the more...
One night, a man woke up after hearing a voice telling him, "Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, go to Las Vegas."
Although he was disturbed, he ignored the voice and went about his business as usual. However, the next night the same voice came to him in a dream, with the same message. And so it went for weeks, with the same dream recurring every night, and the voice repeating the same message each time, "Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, go to Las Vegas."
Unable to stand it any longer, he quit his job, sold his house, took all his money, and headed to Las Vegas.
When his plane landed and he disembarked, he heard the voice again, "Go to a casino, quickly." He immediately hopped in a cab and rushed to the nearest casino. As soon as he set foot inside, he heard the voice tell him, "Go to the roulette table."
As he reached the roulette table, the voice said, "Put all your money on 17." more...