Categories Jokes

Top Ten MTV Video Music Award Categories Michael Jackson is Nominated In
10. Best editing of facial features
9. Outstanding performance in ongoing police investigation
8. Weirdest male artist
7. Weirdest female artist
6. Best performance in a black and white video by artist who isn't really either
5. New video by guy with a brother named Tito
4. Best singer who talks just like Mike Tyson
3. Least life-like nose
2. Best acting in a marriage
1. Best new face

There are 5 categories of sex:
The first is Smurf Sex: This happens during the honeymoon, during which time you both keep doing it until you're blue in the face.
The second is Kitchen Sex: This happens at the beginning of the marriage, when you'll have sex anywhere, anytime, even in the kitchen.
The third is Bedroom Sex: You've calmed down a little, possibly have children, so you feel you'd better do it in the bedroom.
The fourth is Hallway Sex: This is where you pass each other in the hallway and utter the words, "Fuck you!!"
The fifth kind of sex is Courtroom Sex: This is when you get divorced and your spouse screws you right in front of everyone in the room.

All objects in the world can be placed into one of two categories:

- things that need to be fixed,

- things that will need to be fixed after you've had a few minutes to play with them.