Centipede Jokes / Recent Jokes

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Centipede.
Centipede who?
Centipede on the Christmas tree.

1. Why was the centipede late?
Because he was playing "This little Piggy" with his baby brother!

2. What do you get if you cross a centipede and a parrot?
A walkie talkie!

3. What is worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
A centipede with chilblains!

4. What has 50 legs but can’t walk?
Half a centipede!

5. What do you call a guard with 100 legs?
A sentrypede!

6. What do you get if you cross a centipede and a chicken?
Enough drumsticks to feed an army!

7. What did one centipede say to the other centipede?
You`ve got a lovely pair of legs, You`ve got a lovely pair of legs, You’ve got a lovely pair of legs, You’ve got a lovely pair of legs, You’ve got a lovely pair of legs, You’ve got a lovely pair of legs. ...!

8. Why was the centipede dropped from the insect football team?
He took too long to put his boots on!

9. What is worse than an more...

During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of note between the big animals and the little animals. The big animals were crushing little animals and at half time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals.
At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss.
The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, "Who stopped the elephant?"
"I did" said the centipede.
"Who stopped the rhino?"
"Uh, that was me too" said the centipede.
"And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?"
"Well, that was me as well," said the centipede.
"SO WHERE WERE YOU THE FIRST HALF?" demanded the coach.
"Well" said the centipede, "I was having my ankles more...

Why was the centipede late? Because he was playing "This little Piggy" with his baby brother! What do you get if you cross a centipede and a parrot? A walkie talkie! What is worse than a giraffe with a sore throat? A centipede with chilblains! What has 50 legs but cant walk? Half a centipede! What do you call a guard with 100 legs? A sentrypede! What do you get if you cross a centipede and a chicken? Enough drumsticks to feed an army! What did one centipede say to the other centipede? You've got a lovely pair of legs, You've got a lovely pair of legs, You've got a lovely pair of legs, You've got a lovely pair of legs, You've got a lovely pair of legs, You've got a lovely pair of legs....! Why was the centipede dropped from the insect football team? He took too long to put his boots on! What is worse than an alligator with toothache? A centipede with athlete's foot! What goes 99-clonk, 99-clonk, 99-clonk? A centipede with a wooden leg!

A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The owner says, "How about a dog?" The man replies, "Come on, a dog can't do everything."

The owner says "How about a cat?" The man replies, "No way! A cat certainly can't do everything. I want a pet that can do everything!"

The owner thinks for a minute. Then says, "I've got it! A centipede!" The man says, "Centipede? I can't imagine a centipede doing everything but, ok. .. I'll try a centipede."

He gets the centipede home and says to the centipede, "Clean the kitchen."

Thirty minutes later, he walks into the kitchen and it's immaculate. All the dishes and silverware have been washed, dried, and put away. The countertops cleaned. The appliances sparkling. The floor waxed. He's absolutely amazed.

He says to the centipede, "Go clean the living room." Twenty more...

During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of note between the big animals and the little animals. The big animals were crushing little animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals.At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss.The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, "Who stopped the elephant?" "I did," said the centipede."Who stopped the rhino?" "Uh, that was me too," said the centipede."And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?""Well, that was me as well," said the centipede."So where were you during the first half?" demanded the coach."Well," said the centipede, "I was having my ankles taped."

Why was the centipede dropped from the insect football team? He took too long to put his boots on!