Centipede Jokes / Recent Jokes

Why was the centipede late? Because he was playing "This little Piggy" with his baby brother!

Four animals a Snake, a Cock, a Cat and a Centipede, all heavy smokers, were playing cards together. When the cigarettes run out, the snake, the big brother, said, "Cock, go out and get some packs! You know, I have NO legs." "But why me?" said the Cock, "I have only TWO legs!" So, the task fell on Centipede with no doubt. Centipede said nothing and left the room.
The left three waited and waited, but Centipede did not show up. One hour later, they couldn't wait anymore. "What's the devil Centipede doing?" Snake said impatiently, "Cat, go out and take a look!"
When Cat gets to the door, he got frightened. Centipede was SITTING there!!!! So the angry Cat said, "What are you doing here?"
"Can't you see? I'm putting on my shoes," said Centipede.

What did one centipede say to the other centipede? You've got a lovely pair of legs, You've got a lovely pair of legs,You've got a lovely pair of legs,You've got a lovely pair of legs,You've got a lovely pair of legs,You've got a lovely pair of legs. ...!

It was Superbowl Sunday for the animals, and the Elephants were playing the Cows. The whole first half of the game, the Elephants got their butts whipped. The cows were winning by a mile. By halftime, the Elephants were about ready to give up. But at the start of the second half, a new player ran on to the field. It was a Centipede! He was so fast the cows couldn't even get within five feet of him. In no time, the Elephants had twice as many points as the cows.
At the end of the game, the coach of the Elephants thanked the centipede for helping them win the Super Bowl. "But I just want to know, why didn't you come out until halftime?"
The centipede answered, "It took me that long to put my shoes on!"

This guy was lonely and so he decided life would be more fun if he had a pet.
So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede (100-legged bug), which came in a little white box.
He took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the bar to have a drink.
So he asked the centipede in the box, "
Would you like to go to Frank's with me and have a beer?"
But there was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "
How about going to the bar and having a drink with me?"
But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet.
So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. He decided to ask him one more time; this time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "
Hey, in more...

This guy was lonely, and decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede, which came in a little white box to use for his house. He took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the bar to have a drink.
So he asked the centipede in the box, Would you like to go to Frank's with me for a beer? But there was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, How about going to the bar and having a drink with me?
But again there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few more minutes, thinking about the situation and he decided to ask him one more time! This time, putting his face up against the centipede's little house he shouted, HEY, IN THERE, WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO TO FRANK'S PLACE AND HAVE A DRINK WITH more...

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Centipede.
Centipede who?
Centipede on the Christmas Tree!