Charges Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Gorilla goes into a bar and orders a scotch on the rocks. The barman thinks, "What would a gorilla know about drinks?" and charges him $20. The gorilla downs the drink and orders another.
The barman charges him the same price again. He thinks for a minute and then says to the gorilla 'You know we don't get many gorillas in here."
The gorilla looks at the barman and says,, "At these prices I don't bloody wonder."

Be sure and ALWAYS cancel your credit cards before you die.........

This is just so priceless.... and so easy to see happening, customer "service" being what it is....

My Aunt died this past January. Citi Bank billed her for February and March for their monthly service charge on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge... the balance had been $20. 00... now was somewhere around $60. 00

I placed the following phone call to CitiBank:

Me: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January."

CitiBank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."

Me: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections..."

CitiBank: "Since it is 2 months past due, it already has been."

Me: "So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"

CitiBank: "Either report her account to the more...

The Chief Rabbi and the Pope are in a meeting in Rome. The Rabbi notices a fancy shmancy phone on a side table in the Popes private chambers. "Whats that phone for?" he asks. "Its my direct line to the Lord!" the Pope replies. The Rabbi is doubtful, but the Pope insists that he tries it out and, indeed, he is connected to the Lord and chats away with Him for a while. After he hangs up the Rabbi says. "Thank you very much. This is great! But listen, I want to pay for the charges I have used up." The Pope doesnt want to take the money, but finally gives in, checks the counter and says: Allright! The charge was 50, 000 Lira.", which the Rabbi gladly pays. A couple of weeks later, the Pope is in Jerusalem on an official visit. In the Rabbis chambers he sees the identical phone he has with a direct line to the Lord. The Pope asks if he could use it, because there were some urgent matt ers he needed to consult with Him. The Rabbi gladly hands him the phone more...

Plaxico convicted on weapons charges
Michael Vick convicted on dog fighting charges
PacMan convicted on felony assault
- - -the NFL states Rush Limbaugh isn't someone they want to be associated with (?!?!?!?!? )..... meanwhile Charlie Manson and Phil Spector are interested buyers
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A couple, age 67, went to the doctor's office. The doctor asked, "What canI do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?" The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctorsaid, "There is nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." And hethen charged them $32. 00. This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse, pay the doctor and leave. Finally the doctor asked, "Just what exactly are you trying to find out?" The old man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She is marriedand we can't go to her house. I am married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $60. 00 and the Hilton charges $75. 00. We do it herefor $32. 00, and I get back $28. 00 from Medicare for a visit to the doctor'soffice."

To get us all in the Christmas spirit... Can you name these Christmas Songs? Answers found below.
-- Questions ---
Approach Everyone Who Is Steadfast
Ecstacy Toward The Orb
Hush, The Foretelling Spirits Harmonize
Hey, Miniscule Urban Area Southwest Of Jerusalem
Quiescent Nocturnal Period
The Autocratic Troika Originating Near the Accent of Apollo
The Primary Carol
Embellish The Corridors
I Apprehended My Maternal Parent Osculating with a Corpulent, Unshaven Male in Crimson Disguise
I'm Fantasizing Concerning a Blanched Yuletide
My Singular Desire For The Impending Yuletide Season Is Receipt Of A Pair Of Central Incisors.
During the Time Ovine Caretakers Supervised Their Charges Past Twilight
Celestial Messengers From Splendid Empires.
The Thing Manifest Itself at the Onset of a Transparent Day
The Tatterdemalion Ebony Atmosphere
The Coniferous Nativity
What Offspring Abides Thus?
Removed in a Bovine Feeding more...

The barman charges him 10 cents. Confused, but not complaining, the man pays.
After a while he decides to have another, and some food, so he orders another beer and a steak. The barman charges him 25 cents, 10 for the beer and 15 for the food. After finishing his food and drink, he calls the barman over and says, "Mate, that was the best steak I've ever had. I want to talk to the manager and thank him." "No problem," says the barman. "He's upstairs with my wife." "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" asks the man. "Probably the same thing I'm doing to his business down here!"