Charges Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The barman charges him 10 cents. Confused, but not complaining, the man pays.
After a while he decides to have another, and some food, so he orders another beer and a steak. The barman charges him 25 cents, 10 for the beer and 15 for the food.
After finishing his food and drink, he calls the barman over and says, "Mate, that was the best steak I've ever had. I want to talk to the manager and thank him."
"No problem," says the barman. "He's upstairs with my wife." "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" asks the man.
"Probably the same thing I'm doing to his business down here!"
"Clearly it's not the life I had before, but I laugh just as much."
O.J. Simpson during his ESPN interview on Thursday (15 Jan. 1998)
"Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself."
Mark Twain
"So, does this prove once and for all that size does matter?"
Golden Globe Award-winning director James Cameron (18 Jan. 1998), whose film "Titanic" is the most expensive in Hollywood history.
..."I've always thought that underpopulated countries in Africa are vastly underpolluted."
Lawrence Summers, chief economist of the World Bank, explaining why toxic waste should be exported to Third World countries
"We regret the incident but will not press charges... [Bill] commented that one of the worst things about his whole thing was that the pie wasn't that tasty."
Erin Brewer, spokesman for Microsoft's Belgian office, after company chief Bill Gates was more...
Do you suppose that it occurs to the power company that they are making a double pun when they send their bill commanding "Please Pay Current Charges"?
Bill Clinton was very angry with Mahathir's sudden charges against Anwar, so he demanded that they (Mahathir and Anwar) come to the pentagon to explain themselves before the UN. At that time it was snowing, and Mahathir's wife had never seen snow before, so she asked him to let her come along too. Mahathir insisted that she didn't, but she was so earnest that Mahathir only agreed to it if she would spend a night with him in bed.
The next day, three of them left for Washington DC. After a heated discussion with the delegates, Mahathir stepped out into the snow, only to smell the smell of human urine somewhere in the distance. He found the source, and was shocked to find it was from words written in pee in the snow, saying' Mahathir is a dickhead' He was outraged and demanded that experts from the US immediately analyze the samples to determine the anti-Mahathir person. Before long, the samples came back.
'Mr Mahathir,' a detective said,' We have good news and bad news for more...
Prosecutors abruptly dropped all charges against John Mark Karr in the slaying of JonBenet Ramsey. Charges were dropped both on account of a total lack of evidence and with alibi's provided by Karr's brother and ex-wife. Karr immediatley headed to the local watering hole, excited to use his new pickup line "You ever rape and murder a 6 year old girl? Me either, wanna screw?"
A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender charges him 15 cents. Confused but not complaining, the man pays.
After a while, he decides to have another beer and some food, so he orders another beer and a steak. The bartender charges him 50 cents, 15 for the beer and 35 for the food.
After finishing his food and drink, he calls the bartender over and says, "Mate, that was the best steak I've ever had. I want to talk to the manager and thank him."
"No problem," says the bartender. "He's upstairs with my wife."
"What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" asks the man.
"Probably the same thing I'm doing to his business down here!"
A young blonde farm girl answers the door and sees an older neighbor there.
"Daddy isn't home, but I know what you want and I can help you," she says. "You want our bull to service your cow. Well, Daddy charges $100 for his best bull."
"That's not what I want," the neighbor says.
"Well, we do have a young bull who's just starting out. Daddy charges $50 for him," the girl says.
"That's not what I want," the neighbor sternly says.
"We have an old bull out in the pasture. He can still do the job. Daddy only charges $20 for him," says the girl.
"That's not what I want. I came here to see your father about your brother," the neighbor explains. "Your brother, Henry, made my daughter pregnant."
"Oh! Well, you'd better talk to Daddy about that," the girl says, "'cause I don't know what he charges for Henry."