Chicago Jokes / Recent Jokes

I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said,Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'

Florida State football coach Bill Peterson: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." He also said, "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."
Mike Tyson, about writer Wallace Matthews: "He called me a rapist and a recluse. I'm not a recluse."
Weightlifting commentator Pat Glenn: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing."
Alan Minter: "There have been injuries and deaths in boxing, but none of them serious."
Football coach Bill Peterson: "Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl."
Basketball player Jason Kidd: "We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees."
Soccer coach Ron Greenwood: "I don't hold water with that theory."
Baseball player Pedro Guerrero, on sportswriters: "Sometimes they write what I say and not what I mean."
Tennis more...

There was this blonde who bought a coach ticket to go to Chicago.
She boards the plane and sits in the first class area.
The stewardess comes over and says "ma'am your ticket says coach you must move to the coach area".
The blonde says "I'm blonde beautiful and going to Chicago".
The stewardess says "you must move to the coach area".
The blonde says "I'm blonde beautiful and going to Chicago".
The stewardess goes over and gets the head stewardess. The head stewardess comes over and says "ma'am you must move to coach."
The blonde says "I'm blonde beautiful and going to Chicago".
The stewardesses look at each other and decide to go get the captain.
The captain comes over and says" ma'am your ticket says coach you must move to the coach area".
The blonde says "I'm blonde beautiful and going to Chicago".
The captain shakes his head and bends down and whispers in her more...

At his victory speech in Chicago, a sea of Obama supporters chanted "Yes we can!" Which means Obama supporters in Chicago are apparently not Cubs fans.

Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me." New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1, 000 or 1, 500 yards, whichever comes first." And, upon hearing Joe Jacoby of the' Skins say "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said, "To win, I'd run over Joe's mom too." Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann 1996: "Nobody in football should be called a genius.. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." Oiler coach Bum Phillips: When asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded, "Because she is too damn ugly to kiss goodbye." Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." Clemson recruit Ray Forsythe, who more...

I'm perpetually exhausted," Joe told the psychiatrist. "Every night, I dream I'm driving a truck from Galveston to Chicago and in the morning, I wake up dead tired."
"Beginning tonight," advised the analyst, "you stop at Tulsa and I'll take it on to Chicago."
Later, at a bar, the relieved patient listened to a friend's problem. "Each night," related his buddy, "I dream that I'm being forced to satisfy four beautiful women. It's killing me."
Joe recommended his psychiatrist; but the next time the acquaintance came around, he was in worse shape than ever.
"What happened?" Joe asked him. "Didn't my shrink do anything about your problem?"
"Oh, he took away the chicks, all right," moaned the guy, "but now every night I dream I've picked up a damn truck in Tulsa and I have to drive it all the way to Chicago."

A Chicago man dies and goes to hell. When he gets there, the devil comes over to welcome him. The devil then says "sometimes it gets pretty uncomfortable down here." The man says, "No problem. I'm from Chicago." So the devil goes over to the thermostat, turns the temperature up to 100, and the humidity up to 80. He then goes back to the Chicago man to see how he's doing. To the devil's surprise, the man is doing just fine. "No problem... just like Chicago in June," the man says. So the devil goes back over to the thermostat, and turns the temperature up to 150, and the humidity up to 90. He then goes back over to see how the Chicago man is doing. The man is sweating a little, but overall looks comfortable." No problem. Just like Chicago in July," the man says. So now the devil goes over to the thermostat, turns the temperature up to 200, and the humidity up to 100. When he goes back to see how the man is doing, the man is sweating profusely, and more...